Bling Bling

This is my glamorous French model Francesca. We go way back. She has been around since 1979 but I only got to know her in 1987. This girl goes everywhere with me from shags to Serena. Unfortunately many of my female friends do not share the same passion for her as I do! They say things like, “and just who the hell have you come to pick up in that?

Francesca is very moody. You have to treat her right. If you fill her tank splash out and fill her up completely with premium petrol she won’t start because she’ll think you want to take her to shags. So you have to weka half tank and then refuel at Nakuru and Kisumu. She also has a very big tank so the orange “warning low fuel” light is constantly on. Kwanza one fine day she rode all the way from Kericho to Nairobi with the warning light on the whole way. This fact has been a well kept secret until now because if you lend her to anyone they see the orange warning light put in 2000 bob worth of fuel turn her on and find the orange warning light still on and decide to fill her up! Ha suckers! Her other advantage is cops never stop her because they know am broke and other cars move out of her way because you know if you collide with me there will be only one winner baby! We are talking over 20 years of KenMat Jua Kali steel here!

Matilda is the latest model I have got to date. She is from huko S.E. Asia. She is quite easy work actually. But I really have to protect her cause she is not as strong as she looks. I would never dream of taking her to a political rally she would just faint. Akina Matilda are unfortunate in that people are always trying to kidnap them. Cops always stop you when you drive a Matilda because they think you’ve either stolen her or alternatively you can afford a bribe. Lakini it’s all good. It comes with the territory huh! We got from Ngummo to JKUAT in 30mins through a pro Uhuru Mungiki rally without a scratch, partly because Hendrix has dreads so the mungiki thugs thought we were part of them but also because everyone was too busy watching Matilda they didn’t even notice us. Hendrix might have another version of this story. But ya’ll know who to believe don’t ya?