I’ve been gallivanting all around Kenya, which is why I have not been able to blog. However to demonstrate to you, and only you, how much I care I dropped in to wish you a Happy New Year!
Thanks for all the comments and emails!
Thanks for reading.
The Kenya Chronicles are coming up very soon! Promise!
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5 comments Friday, December 31st, 2004 at 11:56 AM
In my effort to blog whenever I have the chance here I am at Heathrow Terminal 4 using a computer that you have to feed coins. 10p for 1 mins, so i splashed out and put in a pound!
I quick note mainly to remind me to blog in full later: The service at the Kenyan High Commission in London is brilliant. We hear horror stories all the time about embassies around the world, so it is only fair that i point out the good service i received. More on this later.
Next stop Nairobi.
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3 comments Sunday, December 19th, 2004 at 4:39 PM
I have had enough of this, I’m off to Kenya!
Any of you going to be in Nairobi or anyone reading this in Kenya: Send me an email, lets hook up.
For the rest of you not lucky enough to be joining me [haha] leave a comment and let me know, what you want me to do, which pictures you want me to take, where you want me to go (within friggin’ reason … I am not going to Garissa you clowns) and I will try and fulfil as many of them as I can.
Seasons greetings all or as they say in my part of the world before departure:
Nyasaye akhukasitsi.
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7 comments Sunday, December 19th, 2004 at 1:13 AM
The Mentalacrobatics Person of the Year is:
The England Football Team Manager
Sven Goran Eriksson
Why:
He finds out that his boss is sleeping with his PA. So he starts sleeping with the same PA.
So far so normal.
But then his boss finds out that Sven is sleeping with the same PA and understandably the boss is not happy. To make matters worse the newspapers find out that both men are sleeping with the same PA.
His boss [the head of the FA] together with the Communications Director of the FA try to cut a deal with the press in which they will hang Sven out to dry to save their own skin. Sven has got everything stacked against him: his boss, his employer, the press.
But [oh yes] the newspapers refuse to deal and back Sven instead. Ha. Then the PA goes on national television and tells the world that Sven is a much better lover than his boss. Ha. Then his boss gets sacked. Imagine that. Your boss gets sacked because you slept with his secretary; your boss gets sacked because he tried to stab you in the back. Ha. Then Sven renegotiated his contract and got a couple more million a year for being treated so shabbily!
To recap
You sleep with your boss’ secretary, your boss tries to sack you because of that, the newspapers come out on your side, she tells the whole world that you better at sex than your boss, your boss gets sacked because you slept with his secretary, your employers increase your salary by around 2 million pounds and you get to watch football all day.
Case closed!
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4 comments Sunday, December 19th, 2004 at 12:59 AM
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4 comments Sunday, December 12th, 2004 at 10:59 PM
A lesson you quickly learn as a Kenyan abroad is that you never ever tell anyone if you are going back home. If they do find out you are going home never tell them when. If they ask say something vague like,
“I am still waiting for my ticket to be confirmed.” Or
“I am on the waiting list.”
This is because once the wanainchi find out you are going home they go mad. One time a person turned up with a tightly packed bag full of gifts for everyone back home that she expected me to carry for her. The bag weighed 15 kilos and the gifts included a six pack of Guinness and a full set of carving knives for her younger brother. Another clown turned up with spare parts for a tractor back home.
Sometimes it is not even heavy stuff. I have been given a package full of about 15 envelopes which I was expected to crisscross around Nairobi delivering. One family wanted to send me with 5 different passports to renew (imagine trying to explain that to the customs official who checks your hand luggage, 5 passports all in different names what are you James Bond?). Most of these people were very distant acquaintances but who did not feel or see any shame in making ridiculous requests.
The craziest incident I have ever encountered though happened at the airport a few yards away from the check-in desk. As I was waiting a fellow passenger came to me
Her: Are you travelling to Nairobi?
Me: Yes
Her: I am slightly over the 20 kilo limit. If you have any weight allowance left would you please carry something for me?
Me: What would you like me to carry?
Her: My sons are just unloading the car now.
Right on cue in walked two young men each pushing a trolley. On one trolley [and I kid you not here] was a widescreen TV on the second trolley was a one of those small room fridges.
Me [trying to keep the shock and laughter out of my face]: Ummm my bags are quite heavy as well. Pole sana.
Her: Just take my suitcase please at least then I will try and sort out these two.
Me: [cause now I have to remove myself from this situation but still look good] Mama, if it was Kenya Airways you know I would try my best. But si you know these wabeberu will cause me a lot of headaches if I take your bag [we were flying British Airways] pole sana. [for non Swahili speakers Wabeberu = colonialists].
Her: Yes, yes. How about we tell them we are travelling together.
Me: aiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
I never did find out what happened to her luggage, but I was not the only one avoiding her glare on the plane so she must have asked a whole bunch of us.
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8 comments Friday, December 10th, 2004 at 7:20 PM
Wangari Maathai’s Nobel Lecture on her acceptance of The 2004 Nobel Peace Prize.
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Add comment Friday, December 10th, 2004 at 6:59 PM
Until last week the annual Mentalacrobatics Person of the Year Award was a done deal. One candidate stood out way above the rest. No one else had even a prayer of getting in close. But things have changed! All will be revealed at the award announcement next weekend. For those of you who can not wait have a look at last year’s winner.
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1 comment Thursday, December 9th, 2004 at 11:46 PM
It is good to have a question you have always pondered finally answered conclusively.
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Add comment Thursday, December 9th, 2004 at 11:33 PM
This past weekend I met, and gladly spent time with, what is increasingly becoming a rarity. An entity that once roamed the earth with our blessings but now is hardly ever seen. Sightings are sporadic to say the least. What I met was a polite, well behaved and well manner child. It seems that words that were the absolute minimum less than a generation ago, (please, thank you, may I) have disappeared from the vocabulary of most children (the young lady I met was 7 years old).
I am always pleasantly surprised at how polite children are when I go back to Kenya. Conversely I am always surprised at how rude ADULTS are back in Kenya.
Reminiscing about politeness in school reminds me of this conversation:
Student: Sir, can I go to the toilet?
Teacher: I am sure you can go to the toilet. Whether or not you may go to the toilet however, is a completely different matter.
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1 comment Thursday, December 9th, 2004 at 11:23 PM
The Kenyan Blog webring is growing faster than the Kenyan national debt!
Check out these fine people and their fine blogs!
Virtual Insanity
Chanuka
mawazo na mawaidha
bankelele
Delusions of Grandeur
Nicholas Gichu
My Life’s Journey
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4 comments Sunday, December 5th, 2004 at 2:00 AM
ACKNOWLEDGING the supremacy of the Almighty God of all creation:
HONOURING those who heroically struggled to bring freedom and justice to our land:
PROUD of our ethnic, cultural and religious diversity and determined to live in peace and unity as one indivisible sovereign nation:
RESPECTFUL of the natural environment that is our heritage, and determined to sustain it for the benefit of future generations:
COMMITTED to nurturing and protecting the well-being of the individual, the family and the community:
RECOGNISING the aspirations of all Kenyans for a government based on the essential values of freedom, democracy, social justice and the rule of law:
EXERCISING our sovereign and inalienable right to determine the form of governance of our country and having participated fully in the making of this Constitution:
ADOPT, enact and give this Constitution to ourselves and to our future generations.
GOD BLESS KENYA.
Preamble to the draft Kenyan Constitution
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2 comments Sunday, December 5th, 2004 at 1:43 AM
Light a candle for World Aids Day.
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2 comments Wednesday, December 1st, 2004 at 2:37 PM
