Lessons learnt

A lesson you quickly learn as a Kenyan abroad is that you never ever tell anyone if you are going back home. If they do find out you are going home never tell them when. If they ask say something vague like,
“I am still waiting for my ticket to be confirmed.” Or
“I am on the waiting list.”

This is because once the wanainchi find out you are going home they go mad. One time a person turned up with a tightly packed bag full of gifts for everyone back home that she expected me to carry for her. The bag weighed 15 kilos and the gifts included a six pack of Guinness and a full set of carving knives for her younger brother. Another clown turned up with spare parts for a tractor back home.

Sometimes it is not even heavy stuff. I have been given a package full of about 15 envelopes which I was expected to crisscross around Nairobi delivering. One family wanted to send me with 5 different passports to renew (imagine trying to explain that to the customs official who checks your hand luggage, 5 passports all in different names what are you James Bond?). Most of these people were very distant acquaintances but who did not feel or see any shame in making ridiculous requests.

The craziest incident I have ever encountered though happened at the airport a few yards away from the check-in desk. As I was waiting a fellow passenger came to me
Her: Are you travelling to Nairobi?
Me: Yes
Her: I am slightly over the 20 kilo limit. If you have any weight allowance left would you please carry something for me?
Me: What would you like me to carry?
Her: My sons are just unloading the car now.

Right on cue in walked two young men each pushing a trolley. On one trolley [and I kid you not here] was a widescreen TV on the second trolley was a one of those small room fridges.

Me [trying to keep the shock and laughter out of my face]: Ummm my bags are quite heavy as well. Pole sana.
Her: Just take my suitcase please at least then I will try and sort out these two.
Me: [cause now I have to remove myself from this situation but still look good] Mama, if it was Kenya Airways you know I would try my best. But si you know these wabeberu will cause me a lot of headaches if I take your bag [we were flying British Airways] pole sana. [for non Swahili speakers Wabeberu = colonialists].

Her: Yes, yes. How about we tell them we are travelling together.
Me: aiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

I never did find out what happened to her luggage, but I was not the only one avoiding her glare on the plane so she must have asked a whole bunch of us.