Amount spent by the US on the “War on Terror” since Sept. 11 = $300bn
Amount transferred from developing countries to developed countries in 2004 = $300bn
Value of the global illegal drug market = £300bn
Number of stars in our galaxy = 300 billion
The highest energy (in electron volts) cosmic ray ever detected =
300 billion billion
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2 comments Monday, January 31st, 2005 at 10:50 PM
Forget global warming, military aggression, and lack of respect in the world, the number one sign that the world really is going to the dogs is that even Valentine’s Day has to be defended.
What is wrong with having a day dedicated to love? To lovers? Yet in today’s emotionless world most people are probably anti valentine than pro valentine.
The arguments against Valentines are familiar.
First of all there is the you-should-love-me-everyday-and-not-wait-for-valentine’s brigade. Hang on; you are anti a day for lovers because you don’t get enough love? Maybe I should lead a campaign to have a Valentine’s day every month eh? Any cartoon that never shows you love and/or affection expect on Valentine’s Day should not be in a relationship with you anyway. Just because you have poor taste in men or women you want the rest of us to suffer? That’s not very fair is it? Ditch the clown and find someone who will treat you right throughout the year and blow your mind on Valentine’s and you’ll cross the floor to my side I tell you.
Next we have the you-should-celebrate-love-everyday-not- just-valentine’s. Yes yes yes blah blah blah! Come on, you should celebrate life everyday but you wouldn’t advocate the banning of birthday celebrations would you. (Well unless you are completely heartless in which case maybe a heart shaped teddy bear will do you some good.) You appreciate life daily but it is cool having one day when you express special gratitude, a day dedicated to you, a birthday. In the same way, you should show love everyday but it is cool to have a day that is dedicated to the celebration of love, to the celebration of lovers, a Valentine’s day if you like.
We also have the whole valentine’s-day-is-like-so-commercial brigade. Yes it is and so is Christmas, Easter, in fact all celebrations have become commercial. But no one really wants Christmas banned. In fact true connoisseurs of love, such as me, are happy with the commercialisation of Valentine’s and this is why: Valentine’s has become predictable. Red Roses, heart shaped box of chocolates, anonymous cards. All this means that if you take the time to think it through, if you put a bit of effort into it, if you design a way to celebrate that breaks the clichés and is centred and focused on your partner in a unique way you have automatically shown that you got game. The more commercial Valentine’s get the more romantic and extraordinary those of us who can actually think for ourselves look! Think outside that heart shaped box and you’ll fall in love with Valentine’s.
There are two sides to the coin, check out Mshairi for the other side!
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8 comments Monday, January 31st, 2005 at 8:52 PM
If you’re new to the whole MA experience check out this page for a picture and profile on each of my mamacitas otherwise this won’t make any sense.
As we all know Francesca, despite her durability, is one moody mama. Well she finally got too moody for the Green City in the Sun and thus, earned a one way ticket to the proper Green city in the Sun, Ka²mega. This was a massive development as far as mentalacrobatics was concerned because, well, Francesca and I have an understanding. She takes me around, I look after her. Now that she was gone I had to look for a new alternative to my one’s and two’s but it still felt werid. Using any other mamacita would feel like ummm cheating.
I admit that didn’t stop me fooling around with Matilda. But Matilda on top of being a carjacker’s wet dream is also very delicate. And if you go where I go and do what I do you don’t need delicate. Unsurpisngly rolling with Matilda leaves me slightly nervous and uneasy. This situation was taken to its natural conclusion when I smashed her up outside Yaya, at noon, on a busy Monday, dressed in a full Agbada, without a belt, without my wallet, and my license.
All’s well that ends well however, I found myself a mamacita I can roll with. She is big, I like that, she is strong, I like that, she always on time (well most of the time) I like that, she is popular, I like that, she doesn’t wait around for nobody, I like that and best of all I have no problems with parking. Introducing Daphne:
Daphne is the best thing to hit Nairobi since the Lost Boyz concerts!
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5 comments Tuesday, January 25th, 2005 at 3:15 PM
Thank you for all the comments and emails you have left concerning my previous post in which I highlighted the fact that a group of us were refused entry into a club in Kenya over African clothes. Many of you have asked me in the comments and via email to reveal the name of the club, to name and shame the club as it were. I admit that when I wrote the post I was tempted to do exactly that but in the end decided not to. I feel I should explain why.
The issues raised by this incident are, in my opinion, extremely serious. Words like “racist” should not be thrown around lightly by those who want to make an impact, by those who want to make changes. Thus, if I want this issue to be dealt with properly and thoroughly (and believe me I do) I feel it is important that I apply a basic code of ethics. Specifically, it is important that I allow the owners and management of the club to respond to my complaint before I go around banishing the name of their club on the internet. Otherwise I fall into the trap of sensationalist, tabloid-like reporting which any regular reader of this blog will know I loathe. I will write to them, let us wait for their response. Let us wait to see how they deal with this, what they are going to do about it. Once we have their response I will act accordingly. If they choose not to respond then at least I can proceed knowing that I acted properly.
In the meantime let me suggest that we change the focus on this debate slightly. That this issue is a problem in Kenya is NOT surprising. This problem is much wider than a single club. In the pervious post I posted this link which highlights that you are not allowed to wear African clothes in PARLIAMENT in Kenya. If the highest institution in our democracy rejects African clothing, something is fundamentally wrong with our system. [It has been pointed out to me that the speaker of parliament now allows African clothes in the chamber, but the rules of parliament have not been changed as far as I am aware although I put this out to be corrected if anyone has information.] A debate on identity in Kenya or Kenyan identity I feel is the wider issue here.
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2 comments Tuesday, January 25th, 2005 at 1:29 PM
In the New Year my cousin and I were refused entry into a Kenya bar/club because our clothes were inappropriate.
“You can not come in here dressed like that, it does not meet our high standards”, the proprietor said. This would have been a non issue apart from the fact that we had just come from a dinner and the clothes were wearing were reasonably formal. But the clothes were African and African clothes in Kenya are a big no no. You can not even wear African clothes to parliament in Kenya.
I can not imagine a Nigerian being refused entry into a club in Lagos only because he was wearing an Agbada. What made it even worse for me was that the owner of this club is not African and came out in a khaki shirt and shorts to tell us our attire was inappropriate.
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10 comments Wednesday, January 19th, 2005 at 5:37 PM
Question: Which VIPs were on hand, and on time, to receive Kenya’s first, and Africa’s first female Nobel Peace Laureate Wangari Maathai when she flew back into the country?
Answer: Kenya Tourism Board (KTB) Managing Director, Dr Achieng Ongong’a.
Question: How many minutes late did Vice President Moody Awori and Enviroment Minister Kalonzo Musyoka turn up?
Answer: 25 minutes
Question: What excuse did they give for being late?
Answer: We weren’t late, the plane was early.
Question: Which other VIPs were present?
Answer: Local Government Minister Musikari Kombo, Assistant Minister for Education Beth Mugo, East African Legislative Assembly MP Rose Waruhiu and Naivasha MP Jane Kihara.
Question: Where was the president?
Answer: Gallivanting at the coast.
Question: How many ministers are there in the Kenyan cabinet?
Answer: Twenty nine
Question: What percentage of the cabinet was on hand to receive our first Nobel Laureate?
Answer: 6.8%
Question: How do you smack the other 93.2% of ministers upside their heads?
Answer: You don’t. Their security is trained to kill.
Question: What the hell is wrong with our country?
Answer: There is nothing wrong with our country, thousands of Kenyans lined the streets to welcome Wangari Maathai home. Her convoy was stopped atleast twice on the way from the airport as the crowd demanded to see and hear her.
Question: When will Maathai get a cabinet position?
Answer: When the Somali president goes home, (probably never).
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4 comments Monday, January 17th, 2005 at 4:45 PM
The whole world now knows that Prince Harry has been taking stupid pills again. I have written before on the obsession the British have with World War II. Almost everyday there is a World War II programme on TV. You can not go a week without hearing, “we won the war.” The German daily Der Spiegel writes that:
Very true.
Leaving aside the whole disgraceful swastika business The Der Spiegel article also touches on the theme of the infamous party, “Colonials and Natives”. These kids really do live in their own little world. Colonials and Natives? Well this is the same Prince Harry that told reassured his friends that his Zimbabwe girlfriend, “was not black or anything” so I’m not shocked.
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3 comments Monday, January 17th, 2005 at 3:27 PM
Kenyatta International Conference Centre has always defined Nairobi’s skyline. Yes bigger, taller, newer, better, fancier skyscrapers have come up but KICC was always the building that dominated Nairobi’s skyline. Like The Empire State Building in New York, the London Eye in London and Eiffel Tower in Paris, KICC was Naiorbi.
The inside of KICC is now a joke. It is a shame but not surprising that this building has been allowed to get so run down. KICC is almost the perfect metaphor for Kenya. Strong, impressive, full of potential, impossible to ignore, unique, but slowly rotting on the inside. Walls are cracking, lights are dim, paint is peeling, and electricity power sockets hang out of walls. Word on the street is the government spokesman, who apparently has a staff of 20, yes TWENTY, occupies a whole floor of KICC.
Outside the building in the front courtyard stands the statue of Kenyatta. The founding father himself. He used to be surrounded by an impressive garden bustling with flowers. People from upcountry would go to KICC to take a picture in front of Kenyatta to prove to people back home that they really have been to Nairobi. The schools drama festival would bring students from across the country to perform in front of Kenyatta. I even remember wedding parties taking detours to take pictures with Kenyatta! Not anymore they don’t. The square around Kenyatta’s statue has been turned into a car park. A frigging CAR PARK. I ask again, what is the point of Nairobi City Council?
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9 comments Monday, January 17th, 2005 at 12:57 AM
Back in the day I was a loyal Kenbrew drinker. Then KBL decided that Kenyans couldn’t handle a 5% beer so they withdrew it from the market. After a suitable period of mourning I started looking for another beer to pledge loyalty to. Tusker, too fizzy. Pilsner, too oily. Eventually I discovered Tusker Export which, to be honest, was even better than Kenbrew. Then I go home after two years and KBL have withdrawn Export from the market. What the hell is going on? Is someone playing with me here? I’m afraid to mention which beer I have defected to now just in case the clown in charge of KBL’s joke department decides to pull a fast one on me again. The one clue I’ll give is that it is a “beer with distinction” and as far as I am aware only 5 other people in the whole of kenya drink it apart from me.
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3 comments Monday, January 17th, 2005 at 12:12 AM
The bottled water phenomenon has hit Nairobi with a vengeance. Everybody walks around with a bottle of bottled water. And I mean everyone, not just tourists, the bourgeois, the wanabee bourgeois, yuppies, veggies, vegans or people who work for water companies. Everyone has a bottle of water, matatu drivers, security guards, cabinet ministers, the employed, the unemployed, everyone. You walk into supermarkets at 10am fridges are being restocked with water, you go back at 2pm same story. It’s got to the stage where people have become loyal to a particular brand. At least twice when I was in a restaurant with friends the waiter was asked which brand of bottled water the restaurant stocked. Dasani, unsurprisingly, is avoided like the plague by most people in the know. Although one chain of supermarkets, even though it carries all the different brands of water, only refrigerates Dasani. Smells like the same dirty tricks Coca Cola was using in Derbyshire.
So why this explosion in bottled water drinkers? Well on my part it was because it was so damn hot. If I didn’t carry water I would melt. Other reasons given are that Kenyans are becoming more health conscious, bottled water is seen as an alternative to soft fizzy drinks; the competition between the different companies has lowered the price of bottled water; fear of typhoid from normal tap water, that is if there is any water in the taps in the first place.
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5 comments Sunday, January 16th, 2005 at 11:32 PM
The Saga of Wakulima Market, the previous home to 12000 rats (the 6000 that were killed and the 6000 that got away), raises some serious questions. First of all, who counted all the rats that were killed? Secondly, who counted all the rats that escaped? Thirdly, how the hell could the market that supplies Nairobi with most of its fruit and veg not be cleaned in 30 years? Fourthly, why the hell didn’t Nairobi City Council (NCC) just hook up Rentokil or any other pest control company with that contract? Am sure they would have done better than killing only 50%. Fifthly, just what is the point of NCC? Finally, and most disturbing, how come chips in Nairobi don’t taste good anymore since they cleaned up the market of all those rats?
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5 comments Sunday, January 16th, 2005 at 10:55 PM
