Mentalacrobatics - The deepest pothole on the information superhighway
You are currently browsing the monthly archive for September 2005.
Today we recognise people who confidently state the obvious long after everyone else had figured it out for themselves.
1st prize: Carlos “4-3-3″ Queiroz of the ManUseless Buccaneers coaching staff who took twice as long as the rest of us to realise that Buccaneers’ fans are stupid. Still better late than never.
2nd prize: Ashley “my loyalty” Cole who feels that the gooners may be in for a tough year. NAH! All together now, OBVIOUS!
What I see, I remember. What I do, I understand.
324 months
1,409 weeks
9,862 days
236,692 hours
14,201,577
852,094,623 seconds old (and counting )
Baffled by the rules of cricket? Not sure what the hell is going out there? Fear no more as here it is, cricket for beginners:
[via some bloke online somewhere]
You have a crappy weekend, friends fight, you can not get through to anyone as no one seems to understand you, you have deal with difficult conversations (apologetic but not letting anyone walk over you no matter what), your landlord tells you your rent is increasing, the books you ordered will take 15 days to get to you instead of 5, you cant sleep, the clowns at work still have the air conditioning on full blast, you tear your favourite pair of shorts …
and then,
and then you find a picture of your cute 3 year old niece with a big smile on her face, a cute bag on her back, all dressed up on her way to her first day at school and suddenly, magically, life looks rosy again.
It’s all good!
On one hand I feel a sense of pride in our growing democracy. Ministers can campaign on opposite sides (the realities of a coalition government), the wananchi seem energised with the debate, leading newspapers declared themselves impartial, political satire is alive and well, life goes on and there is relatively little violence despite all the politicking.
On the other hand, ministers still feel the need to take over vital highways blocking traffic in both ways thus inconveniencing the ordinary wananchi, in a show of power; political leaders publicly insult minority communities in our country, the debate rarely rises above individuals to the issues, tribe is a major if not THE major factor. Political immaturity manifests itself in the, too many chiefs not enough Indians, scenario as everyone starts their own political party.
The litmus test will be in the reaction of the victors and especially the losers to result of the referendum. Assuming the vote is free and fair.
some people like you:
Some people don’t like you so much:
Name:
[Removed]
Message:
Bumped into your site during a search. Read your profile and
was, to be honest and do not go personal on this, not very likeable.
You sound like one of those really annoying born-and-bred-in-Nairobi
people. No, judgements. I was hoping you are nice after all, just a little
dark? Maybe just even cynical? Then again, you hate blonds don’t you?
Too, bad, our outlook on life may not be very smart, but atleast I have
like quater the emotional baggage you seem to be carrying. Maybe you
can get saved? In Christ you can be both smart and quit being trampled on
by your own realities? I sound harsh, well, you deserve it. Get a
happier life please ot stop sharing your misery with the rest of us. But,
you are really smart, I like your arguments and you are a terrific
writter. One doesn’t loose interest too soon in your work. Well, until your
whining gets to them. In the end, this is just a realy long whiny site.
Yours,
A blond.
whoever said, “All publicity is good publicity!” did not have to deal with mad Kenyans I tell you!
…
It doesn’t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire with me
and not shrink back.
It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.
From The Invitation by Oriah Mountain Dreamer.
The men behind the shoes
Picture credit Statehouse Tanzania
Stars to Adrian, Msanii_xl and R all of whom picked Kibaki’s shoes correctly. Half a star to Uaridi who was 50/50!
Can you tell your president’s shoes from those of his neighbours?
Pictured here are the feet of Mseveni, Mkapa and Kibaki. But which shoes belong to which head of state? Answers in comments please!
A quick guide on how to obtain British citizenship for Africans:
Do guide England to their first Ashes win in 16 years.
Do NOT claim to be fleeing from domestic violence.
Do NOT quit your job to appear on Big Brother, the reality TV show.
And most importantly
Do NOT let your son date the Princess of Wales and then accuse her former father-in-law, who just happens to be married to the monarch, of assassinating them. While at the same time revealing that you bribed ministers to ask questions related to your interests in the House of Commons.
Ok now that’s what you call a cricket match. That’s what you call a test series. Drama all the way. England regained The Ashes after 16 years and what do they get in the end? The most useless trophy ever invented. Just look:
Of course this being England there is a long and detailed history about the trophy, but still, talk about needing an upgrade. (The Kolanka Cup, the annual prize in Bangalore Limited Handicap polo, now that is a trophy. Six feet tall and can take 18 litres of champagne.)
The victory parade through London for the cricket team is a bit much in my books. You need to beat more than one team before you get an open-top bus parade in my book. (Quick reminder: I was at the best victory parade ever ever had to sneak that one in!)
Congratulations also to the England Women’s cricket team which regained The Women’s Ashes for the first time in 42 years.
Notes:
Forget “G’day mate” all the Australian players/coaches/journalists start their sentences with “Aw, look.”
Stay away from Wangari, she’s going to be in shock for a while!
Internal office email yesterday :
(For those of you who could not get online the latest score from The Oval is:
39th over: England 122-4 (Pietersen 34, Collingwood 0) )
Finally The Guardian’s Berliner format is launched.
You can almost hear all The Torygraph readers cracking open a bottle of champagne to celebrate their exclusive status as Britain’s only remaining national broadsheet. The mzee who looks at me in shock when I pick a paper from the same pile as he does only for him to realise, traumatised, that he picked up The Guardian will never make that mistake again. (Unless of course he is a closet lentil-eating, sandal-wearing, beard-growing, tree-hugging, atheist, pacifist, neo- Marxist-Leninist, that all Guardian readers are!)
Edit 1:
It has been pointed out to me via email that I am wrong. The Torygraph is not the only national broadsheet newspaper left in Britain after The Guardian re-launch. The FT is national and is broadsheet. The email also demanded a front page apology for my “elementary error”. Well here you go sonny: Mea culpa, mea culpa and all that. I am just surprised that FT loyalists read this blog,
British Airways is offering flights from the UK to Sydney and Melbourne, priced according to how may runs the Australians score in their first innings of the fifth Ashes test … the number of cheap flights on offer will be determined by England’s first innings total.
England batted first and made 373 so there will be 373 seats available under this deal. Tourists are now praying for an Australian collapse. If they make under 300 runs BA’s phones will catch fire and their website will pack up!
Non cricket fans please visit my TPILB page.
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