Beautiful game

Thank you Angola. Thank you Ivory Coast. Thank you Trinidad and Tobago.

Three World Cup debutants who played football in the true spirit of the game.

I enjoyed watching Ivory Coast come from 2-0 down after 20 minutes to register their first ever victory in the World Cup. Here is a team which was drawn in the hardest group in the tournament, which had to play its two hardest games first, lost both, yet at the end they were still smiling and smiling as a team. It was brilliant watching the players who were on the bench celebrating together with the players on the pitch. I like it when senior players are secure enough to celebrate their junior colleagues. That is team spirit. Till next time.

Thank you Ghana!

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Here are my predictions. My reasons, logical and emotional, are below.
I assume a basic understanding of the way the World Cup groups are set up.

(Team in bold wins).

Second round

Game One:
Germany v Paraguay

Game Two:
Argentina v Angola

Game Three:
England v Ecuador

Game Four:
Mexico v Cote d’Ivoire

Game Five:
Czech Republic v Australia

Game Six:
France v Spain

Game Seven:
Brazil v Ghana

Game Eight:
Ukraine v Switzerland

Quarter-Final One:
Germany v Argentina

Quarter-Final Two:
Czech Republic v France

Quarter-Final Three:
England v Cote d’Ivoire

Quarter-Final Four:
Brazil v Ukraine

Semi-Final One:
Argentina v Czech Republic

Semi-Final Two:
England v Ukraine

Third/Fourth place play-off:
Argentina v Ukraine

Final:
Czech Republic v England

Thus the final standings:

1. England
2. Czech Republic
3. Argentina

The Logical Reasons

The four strongest teams at this World Cup are in Brazil, Argentina, Czech Republic and England.

Why won’t Brazil win it? South American teams do not win World Cups held in Europe. Brazil won in Sweden in 1958 but all the other eight World Cups in Europe have been won by European teams. Yes Brazil did reach the final against France last time the tournament was held in Europe, but in the group stage they played badly against Scotland eventually struggling to 2-1 victory they were then beaten by Norway in the same group stage. Against Denmark in the quarter final they struggled and only managed to scrape a 3-2 victory and they need penalties to beat Netherlands in the semi finals after being held to a 1-1. In the final they were beaten 3-0 by the hosts France. For whatever reason you want: biased refs, unsuitable tactics etc Brazil struggle against European teams in Europe. Ukraine is exactly the sort of team that will bother them, that is why Brazil will lose in the quarterfinals. As for Argentina the last time they did anything in Europe was when they lost to Italy in the final of Italia ‘90.

So I think that a team from UEFA will win this World Cup. Italy are rocked by scandal at home and have no pace in their forwards. Netherlands are one dimensional and have no pace in their forwards. Spain are Spain = choke. Germany, well the slow Italians spanked them 4-0 a month ago, their defence has got more holes than NARC-Kenya.

The two strongest European squads are England and the Czech Republic. Why everyone is sleeping on the Czechs I do not know. That squad is legit. France as well. The grand old men of France will make one last stand at this world cup I feel. But England has more quality through the backbone. They have a defence that is tight and who is better than Terry and Carragher in defence at the moment? Their midfield is sawa. When the Brazilian coach was asked which two players from any other country in the world he would like to have in his team he choose to English men, Gerrard and Lampard. If Beckham keeps doing what he does best, bending them in, and doesn’t become over ambitious and J. Cole listens to what he is told to do, then even I would score ten goals. So yeah, England will win it. They will play the Czech Republic in the final.

The Emotional Reasons

Come on we can not have the favourites winning everything this year, Barcelona were favourites and they won the Champions’ League, Seville were favourites and won the UEFA cup, Egypt were favourites (I don’t care North African teams playing at home are automatically favourites) and they won the African Nations Cup. Barcelona, Bayern Munich, Lyons, Chelsea were all tipped to win their leagues at the beginning of the season and they all won. We can not have Brazil winning the world cup. That will mean football has become too predictable! That’s why I have knocked out some UEFA teams early as well. LOL!

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It looks like Cameroon striker Samuel Eto’o shares the faith. Eto’o believes an African team can win the World Cup in Germany.

Despite the absence of Nigeria and Cameroon at next month’s tournament, Eto’o said there was plenty of potential in Ghana, Angola, Tunisia, Togo and the Ivory Coast.

“I think all the African teams that are there are there for a reason. They have the means to live their dreams and go all the way. But they need to believe.”

Here is a guy who just had the season of his life. If there is anyone who has just cause to be aggrieved with missing out on Germany it is Eto’o. He would have been one of the players of the tournament. He was a just a penalty kick away from qualifying for the World Cup. In short he has a lot to be bitter about. Regardless he made it clear where he stood and gave the African teams that made it to the World Cup his support and endorsement.

Compare that with the childish, silly El-Hadji Diouf. Here is a former African Footballer of the Year who like Eto’o missed out on World Cup qualification with Senegal.

“The wrong teams are going to the World Cup. If you have seen Ghana, and then you see Cameroon, Senegal and Nigeria, you know the wrong team is going.”

What a complete muppet. Putting aside for a minute the stupid argument about “wrong teams” Diouf simply does not have the pedigree to talk like this. If it had come from a Nigerian or Cameroon player it would have an equally stupid argument but a little bit more forgivable. After all Nigeria and Cameroon have qualified again and again and again and have represented Africa well. Senegal has qualified only once. We all got behind them when they went to Japan/Korea why the hell can’t Diouf display the same courtesy he was afforded to his fellow professionals?

Eto’o = true champion
Diouf = complete clown

It has been a fantastic year for African football. Egypt 2006 was the best African Cup of Nations Tournament in a long time. In terms of quality on the pitch the improvement from Tunisia 2004 was astounding. I remember watching a match with friends on TV during Tunisia 2004 and then switching to a Premiership match half way through. The gulf in quality was immediately noticeable and embarrassing. In Egypt 2006 things were suddenly reversed. Influential football journalists gradually switched their attention from the domestic European game to the African tournament. As one guy on TV said why would you sit through Charlton v Everton when you could be watching Cameroon v Ivory Coast? (Another journalist who was sent to Egypt to cover the tournament was heard complaining to his editor back in England, “I’ve been here two weeks and all we’ve had to cover is good football and not one decent witchdoctor story.” Hehe! )

In the Champion’s League final, a match that featured the best striker in Europe, Henry, the best player in South America, Ronaldinho, and the best player in Africa, Eto’o, the African shone brightest.

In the Premiership you have Ivory Coast’s Didier Drogba leading the forward line for Chelski. Drogba’s countryman Kolo Toure is the rock of the Gooners defence assisted by yet another Ivorian, Emmanuel Eboue. At Liverpool Mali’s Mohamed “Momo” Sissoko has established himself as a vital part of what is probably the most dynamic midfield at a football club anywhere on the planet. At Nantes FC, Kenya’s own Dennis Oliech, is a fast rising star, banging the goals in.

So far, in 2006, so good. But the Big One is only a few weeks away and when you look at the draw for the World Cup you have to worry.

• Ivory Coast, Argentina, Holland, Serbia & Montenegro
• Angola, Portugal, Mexico, Iran
• Ghana, Italy, Czech Republic, USA
• Togo, Switzerland, France, South Korea
• Tunisia, Saudi Arabia, Spain, Ukraine

Our strongest team on paper in this year’s tournament is the Ivory Coast. But they are in a heck of a strong group. The biggest thing Ivory Coast have to worry about is themselves. Will they get stage fright at their first every World Cup? Will their nerves hold? Will they manage to keep their discipline? Will the strong team spirit stay intact? If the deal with these things they will go far. I see them qualifying with Holland out of their group. Final group position: second.

Angola are enigma. They played very attractive football in the qualifiers. All one touch, passing to feet, moving into space. Solid and fluid stuff. But in Egypt we saw they lacked the killer punch. The one player who could bang them in. If, for example, Lua Lua was Angolan them this team would be 50% more dangerous. After Senegal spanked France last time round I see the revenge of the former colonies continue in Angola beating Portugal. If they do that (and that would be a massive upset) then they will do all right. If they get spanked by Portugal however, zero points is a possibility. Final group position: second.

Ghana, Ghana, Ghana. I’ve been on the Ghana bandwagon ever since Adebi Pele and his Vegebom adverts and Anthony Yeboah’s ridiculous goals for Leeds in the Premiership. This is another team that played well in the qualifiers but choked in Egypt. To be fair the draw was not kind to them in Egypt and it is even worse now. The one thing they need to draw on is teamwork and a “one team no stars” ethic. The Ghanaian government is certainly helping. Each member of the squad has been promised USD 20,000 for EACH game they win. The more cynical pundits predict that the Ghanaian government will not have to write a single check. I just want them to beat the USA so that Freddie Adu wishes he had choosen to play for Ghana. (Yes I know he is no where near making the USA squad, just work with me here.) I wish they win they win the group. Dammit these guys owe me for my loyalty! Final group position: third.

Togo. Ummm yeah, well. The BBC’s Durosimi Thomas says it will be a miracle if they win one game. I agree. I would love to see the revenge of the former colonies extend here as well but it looks unlikely. The one thing Togo had was team spirit, camaraderie. Striker Emmanuel Adebayor, the top African goalscorer in last year’s World Cup qualifiers, seems to have let it all go to his head and he has destroyed all that. I was hoping playing next to Henry at Arsenal would teach him some humility, maybe next year. Final group position: last.

Tunisia are irritating. They qualify every time, they get beaten every time. Tunisia is a team that knows its place. It knows when it is not expected to win, so they do not. They know when they are supposed to win, so they do. I hope this time they go with a do or die attitude. Roho Juu. They will spank Saudi Arabia and lose to the two UEFA teams, and in four years time they will qualify again. And get spanked again. Final group position: third.

My predictions are optimistic. I have two African teams going through to the second round. Most people predict a complete blow out with not a single African team making the knock out stages. Angola v Iran and Tunisia v Saudi Arabia being the only two games Africa has even a small chance of winning. If they do not win those then the dreaded nul points is a possibility. Zero points. I am always the optimist however.
Mungu abariki Africa! Nkosi Sikelel’ iAfrika! Etc etc!

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Sorry, it was our fault.

It wasn’t the referees fault, although he was very very dodgy. It wasn’t Lehmann’s fault, although what the hell was he thinking when he executed a perfect rugby tap tackle in a football game. It wasn’t Henry’s fault, although he missed more chances than the number on the back of his shirt. It wasn’t UEFAs fault, although they seem to appoint match referees who seem to be recent arrivals on earth.

No no, no one else is to blame for the Gooners going down. It is our fault. Not mine personally, although some have taken to calling me the Prophet of Doom. No, it is our fault collectively.

African Footballer of the Year Samuel Eto’o has revealed that Barcelona summoned the spirit of Liverpool to come from behind to beat Arsenal in the Champions League final in Paris … Eto’o, who was named man-of-the-match for a vibrant striking display which also saw him bring a fabulous save from Arsenal reserve goalkeeper Manuel Almunia, said: “We remembered the spirit of Liverpool. We saw what Liverpool did last year when they were three down. You can’t doubt yourselves in a final. And after half-time we knew we had to come out and fight and, God willing, you can win.”

In the last part (for now) in my series of mentoring the Gooners from a small club to a biggish club here is some vital advice before today’s shenanigans with Barca.

1. When the teams walk out on to the pitch at the beginning of the game the trophy you are playing for will be placed on the edge of the pitch allowing each team to walk past it. You must NOT touch it. Resist all temptation to touch, stroke, kiss, caresses the trophy. It will bring bad luck. Only touch the trophy AFTER you have won it. To touch it before hand is disastrous. (Just ask any AC Milan players from last year).
2. Don’t worry, be happy!
3. Pray Mr Va Va Voom doesn’t Ka Ka Choke. Hey I’ve got two quid riding on this!

Another routine win, another season with two trophies. After a mammoth 62 game season to produce a never-say-die performance like that is special. Liverpool FC aaiii kweli we are entertainers. Why win in 90 minutes when you keep the whole country on the edge of their seats for 120 minutes and a penalty shoot out.

As for Captain Fantastic,

what more can we say. The man is in a class of his own.

Liverpool FC, UEFA Super Cup winners 2005 - 2006
Liverpool FC, FA Cup winners 2006

Despite me openly and loudly predicting an Arsenal victory in this year’s Champions’ League final against Barcelona, many upset goooners feel ati I was being patronising ati condescending. That’s the problem with these teams that rarely reach finals, their supporters do not know who how to behave. They are so used to being good losers; they forget how to be good winners! Anyway in another attempt to calm the nerves of Arsenal fans I have searched the great google cache in the sky for signs of divine intervention that Arsenal will win. I have a good track record when it comes to this. Last year I gave you signs that Liverpool (WWI5T) would spank AC Milan, now here we go with The Arsenal.

Sign 1

Arsenal qualified for the European Cup final
Middlesbrough qualified for the UEFA Cup final

There have only been two other occasions when English teams made both finals in European competition. In 1981 and in 1984. In both those years both English teams won their respective trophies. (No prizes for guessing which team from England won the Big One in both those previous finals). OK so Middlesbrough were spanked yesterday but still karma is on your side.

Sign 2

Umm … ok that’s all I’ve got so far (but to be fair you guys did not give me much to work with seeing as you never reached this final before). If you have any other signs please let me know.

I promised I would post pictures and videos of the spanking Liverpool (WWI5T) handed out to the Manchester Buccaneers.

Well here they are.

(Some of you are will wonder why I do not post pictures and clips from the spanking we dished out to Chelski to which I respond, I only deal with big clubs.) The clips are in MP4 format, if you have trouble viewing them grab VLC, the brilliant open source media player which seems to play anything in this world. As before the photos and clips were taken on my brand new Nokia N70 (BDIS)!

In the picture above the banner is directed at the Buccaneer fans across the ground. It reads, “We achieve your dreams.”

LFC first clip [MP4 file]

In this clip we remind the Buccaneer fans that “we won it five times”. We also hold up five fingers because most of them are too slow to understand what we are talking about. In the second half of the clip the teams are announced to the crowd. During the Buccaneer announcement the crowds boos and jeers. During the LFC (WWI5T) players announcement the crowd cheers to salute their conquering heroes.

LFC second clip clip [MP4 file]

Second clip is all about “when the reds go marching in” an oldie but a classic.

LFC third clip [MP4 file]

Third clip is after the game and is all about us informing Buccaneer fans that they are not singing anymore. But since we are good guys we also sing, “Always look on the bright side of life” to cheer them up. Hehehe!

LFC fourth clip [MP4 file]

The final clip has “You Never Walk Alone” at the end of the game with a picture of the scoreboard. (I didn’t take the “You Never Walk Alone” at the beginning of the game because I was too busy singing my lungs out.)

Whenever you mention English football fans many people automatically think: hooligans. Every time there is an international tournament in which England are involved a lot of attention is focused on the mayhem English fans have caused. Many times when English clubs play in Europe the police use the fans of the English clubs as target practice.

England has strict laws covering all forms of hooliganism, and to a large extent it works. (Of course there will always be some violence related to football on this side of the world.) As regular readers of this blog would know I regularly go to matches at Anfield and I also worked at MCFC on match days for four very entertaining years. I have never ever heard any racist abuse at Anfield. I am not saying there are no racists. But if you are caught at Anfield or any other club in England, you are banned from the club. FOR LIFE. On top of that you get dragged in front of a court of law and you will get a criminal record. If you are caught engaging in hooligan activity you are banned from your club FOR LIFE, you get a criminal record, and you have to report to a police station and hand in your passport every time your club or the national team plays abroad to ensure you do not travel to foreign games. In fact one way to spot a group of hooligans on match days is that none of them will be wearing anything with club colours. No replica kits, not even a scarf. If they caught they do not want the police to know which club to ban them from. So if you want to avoid trouble wear your club’s brightest replica kit, no self respecting thug will touch you.

Now compare this with other parts of Europe where the far right groups not only control many clubs’ fan base, but actually control access to certain areas of the stadium and have the power to stop matches.

Italy: At Lazio thugs were able to put up a 50 foot banner that had written on it an insult to the opposing team that said “team of niggers, terraces of Jews” (link opens a pdf doc).

Earlier this season in a match between Messina and Inter in Sicily, Marc Zoro picked up the ball and walked off the pitch in protest at the monkey chants spewed at him by savage Inter fans. “I was fed up with it,” explained the 21-year-old Ivorian. “It was the classic treatment of black players in Italy - it happens all over the country, Lazio fans being the worst,” he continued, many of his team mates supporter him and apologised on behalf of the club one team mate Materazzi shouted ’stop that, Zoro, you’re just trying to make a name for yourself’.” Zoro’s response, “I didn’t even argue with him, I’ve no intention of lowering myself to that level.”

Spain: On Sunday Barcelona’s Cameroon striker Samuel Eto’o was subjected to racist abuse from Racing Santander fans again. In February Eto’o tried to leave the pitch after being racially abused by Real Zaragoza fans but was convinced by his team-mates to play on.

Bulgaria: Levski Sofia fans booed and whistled visiting Ghanaian born German player Gerald Asamoah before and during their game which FC Schalke.

There are many many examples of racism in football and the fines the European federations and UEFA hand out are ridiculous. Racing Santander and Real Zaragoza were fined 9,000 Euros and 6,000 Euros respectively by the Spanish Football Federation. This in an era where clubs pay many players 60,000 Euros a week.

So when The Africa Council, a group of African immigrants based in Berlin, announced plans to publish a guide warning about areas where there have been racist attacks you can not dismiss them lightly. “Dark-skinned Africans are attacked and insulted every day in Germany,” said Moctar Kamara, head of the “Africa Council”. The pamphlet warns of zones to avoid.

At 5 pm this past Saturday there was TV programme on Channel 4 called Supernanny. The premise of the show is simple; you have a household that is in chaos because the children are rude and disrespectful. The Supernanny, Jo Frost, then comes in to force some discipline into the badly behaved children. The first lesson is to remind the ill behaved rabble who is boss.

Fittingly, at the exactly the same time on another TV channel The Mighty Liverpool Football Club (WWI5T) were doing exactly the same thing to Chelski, installing some much need discipline and reminding Maureen’s bunch of divers and cheats, just who is boss. Supernanny is not allowed to spank and but Liverpool are not as constrained, we spanked those Crimalsea muppets up and down the Theatre of Nightmares so bad they wont be able to sit still for a month. (For once there was high quality football at Old Trafford as the GlazerPizzaHutB&QTraffordBowl Dome Buccaneers were not allowed anywhere near the pitch).

Like another banner says you have “no history” the last time you won the league it was in black and white. Maureen has now got his tactics wrong in two crucial games, against Barcelona in the Champion’s League and against The Mighty Reds (WWI5T). So let’s make it clear, in RAFA WE TRUST.

In a good weekend for the Mighty Reds, Steven Gerrard has been voted the PFA Player of the Year by his peers. He follows in the footsteps of five all-time Liverpool greats Terry McDermott (1980), Kenny Dalglish (1983), Ian Rush (1984), John Barnes (1988). On top of that Liverpool held off Manchester City to claim the FA Youth Cup trophy for the first time in 10 years. All in all Manchester has been good to Liverpool this weekend!

At Anfield, home of Liverpool Football Club WWI5T, we have a player the fans named god.

I remember watching the sports news the day he left the club, people were walking around in disbelief. A few months ago god returned to heaven to do what he does best, scoring heaps of goals.

But this post is not about Robbie Fowler, it is dedicated to another genius of the Beautiful Game.

Ronaldo de Assis Moreira a.k.a Ronaldinho is a genius in his own lifetime. A friend of my said we do not realise how good he is because he is here now and playing now. Unlike legends no longer playing he has to prove himself to us week in week out and sometimes that exposure blunts his genius in our eyes.

I was watching a match a few months ago when the man pulled a move so spectacular I could not believe my eyes. It is impossible to explain in words what he did but I was far from the only one impressed. The player he ended up passing the ball to at the end of the move did not move because he, and the rest of us, assumed there was no way Ronaldinho would get the ball to him. We had not factored in genius. The TV commentators were silent for around 20 seconds (and that is a life time on live sports commentary) when they picked their jaws of the ground the first commentator said, “I not having that.” the second one replied, “We might as well pack our bags and go home now, well never see anything to top that.”

LOL.

Nike has launched a new ad campaign for the World Cup called Joga Bonito (Portuguese for “play beautiful.”). The ad campaign features most of Nike’s global football stars but is heavily dominated by the Brazilians. That makes economic sense. Brazil is everyone’s second team and many people would support them against their own country too!

One of the ads features Ronaldinho. It is called Brazilian Ping Pong. You need to see it to believe it. A massive debate is raging online. Is it real? Is it fake? There is even a spoof ad doing the rounds. Everyone has their own opinion. Yeah it may be camera tricks, CGI, juju or something. But would you bet against the man’s skills?

I feel like this is going to be a football week. So first some friendly advice to the boys from “Lah’n'dan”:

If you Gooners do not win it this year, you never will. Never. It is destiny time. Now or never. The European Cup is the most fussy of mistresses. She does not take kindly to new suitors. Every once in a while she lowers her defences though and looks at the potential new suitors straight in the eye. Most blink.
And Gooners forget about Barca, it is the revenge of Milan that should be keeping you up at night. (Assuming Juan Roman Riquelme doesn’t spank you first.)

Friendly advice from THE Champions at LFC WWI5T.