Kenya

In today’s ridiculous news …

Kenya’s burdensome debt to developed countries is partly the product of theft on the part of “previous leaderships,” Foreign Minister Raphael Tuju said in a prepared statement distributed prior to his address to the UN General Assembly …
“I discovered that some of these loans were actually shady schemes, unnecessary pseudo projects whose only objective was to steal that money.” In the case of legitimate projects, Mr Tuju added in his written remarks, “some of the procurements were terribly flawed, and they cost double, triple or many times more than they should have cost.”

Tuju would be referring to the “previous leadership” of Daniel Arap Moi.

The same Moi he offered the job of regional peace envoy.

The same Moi he welcomed into Kibaki’s re-election camp as chairman of NARC-Kenya.

The same Moi at the heart of Kibaki’s re-election campaign.

Tuju must think we are cabbages or idiots. Or perhaps he thinks we don’t care either way.

Kroll Associates is amongst the world’s leading private investigation agencies. They appeared on my radar when I read fascinating accounts of how the tracked down money stolen and hidden by the Nigerian dictator Sami Abacha, found former Philippines president Ferdinand Marcos secret fortune, they found the money stolen by Haitian dictator Jean-Claude “Baby Doc” Duvalier, they found Saddam Hussein’s secret bank accounts, they found Osama bin Laden’s secret bank accounts which are being used to fund the Al-Qaida network. In short, they know how to do what they do pretty well.

In December 2003 I wrote that by hiring Kroll Associates to trace the money looted by Moi and his cronies the Kibaki government was showing that it was taking the fight against corruption seriously. These noble anti-corruption efforts were lead from within the Kibaki team by a guy you might have heard about, John Githongo, who was at the time the Permanent Secretary for Governance and Ethics in the Office of the President.

In February 2005 John Githongo travelled to the UK to receive a report from Kroll. Shortly after receiving that report Githongo resigned his position as Permanent Secretary giving no reason and stayed in the UK stating concerns about fears for his safety if he returned back to Kenya. At the time I wrote that whatever Kroll told Githongo must have been explosive, explosive enough to make him resign. In February 2006 Githongo released his report, a copy of which you can download on Mentalacrobatics here.

Earlier today part of the Kroll report on corruption in Kenya was leaked to the whistler blowers’ site WikiLeaks.

Some of the information in the report focusing on Moi:

• Assets accumulated included multimillion pound properties in London, New York and South Africa, as well as a 10,000-hectare ranch in Australia and bank accounts containing hundreds of millions of pounds.
• Mr Moi’s sons - Philip and Gideon - were reported to be worth £384m and £550m respectively
• Moi’s associates colluded with Italian drug barons and printed counterfeit money
• Moi’s clique owned a bank in Belgium
• £4m was used to buy a home in Surrey and £2m to buy a flat in Knightsbridge.

The Kibaki government never acted on the report. The Kenyan government official spokesman, Alfred Mutaa, dismissed the report stating, “We did not find that the report was credible. It was based a lot on hearsay.” He said the leaking of the report was politically motivated and insisted Kenya was working with foreign governments to recover the stolen money. “Some of the money is in UK bank accounts. We have asked the British government to help us recover the funds, but so far they have refused.”

Well he would say that now wouldn’t he. Earlier this week Moi endorsed Kibaki for a second term in statehouse.

You can download the Kroll report from WikiLeaks. You can also download it from Mentalacrobatics here (PDF doc 3.8 MB)

Hat tip Mshairi!

(Disclaimer for the conspiracy theorists amongst us: This is my analysis of the situation. I do not have any inside information on why Githongo resigned and he has not shared his reasons with me.)

There have been many bad ideas during this phoney war stage of the political battle in the race to Statehouse, many. Kalonzo trying to pull a fast one on the other ODM-K presidential aspirants, Jirongo believing Moi would back him for the presidency; young NARC-K politicians thinking the Wazees would let them run the show; Kibaki returning ministers tainted with corruption back into office; Martha Karua and everything she does; ODM going to a delegates convention without proper delegates etc.

However, the worst, absolutely worst idea ever, is this KSH 1 Million (USD 15,000.00) per plate lunch affair that Kibaki’s re-election team is planning for Saturday which is expected to attract 1,000 people. What were they drinking the day they came up with that idea? It is hard to think of a more stupid idea at this time in Kenyan politics? If that wasn’t enough, reports have also emerged of the purchase of nearly 200 four-wheel-drives, the formation of a 300-member team of co-ordinators each earning more than $1,000 a month, and the existence of an ICT team that will see the president’s re-election message flood mobile phones. The only conclusion I can come up with is that there is someone at the heart of the Kibaki camp deliberately sabotaging his re-election efforts and they are very good at it. It serves absolutely no purposes.

What about the money? Kibaki needs the money! Of course Kibaki needs the money. This is going to be the first campaign in Kenyan history where each serious presidential candidate (sit down Dr. Ojiambo) will spend at least KSH 1 billion in the run up to the election. No clever politician campaigns with his own money. So they have to raise money. But anybody who is willing to turn up to a KSH 1 million a plate lunch in support of Kibaki would have given him the money away. It is not like there are hundreds of undecided millionaires in Kenya who were swayed by the quality of warus on the Statehouse menu. So why have the lunch and make a public show of such gluttony? Why deliberately antagonise the 30+ million Kenyans who will never ever see KSH 1 million?

Secondly, because of the nature of Kenyan politics, I can confidently predict that guest list will be dominated by members of one tribe. So after this lunch Kibaki will not only look greedy and completely out of touch, he will also look like the supreme tribalist, which is sad as the vast majority of Kikuyus will never see KSH 1 million in their lifetime. Wasn’t it that patriot Josiah Mwangi (JM) Kariuki (who happened to be Kikuyu) who warned Kenyatta decades ago about creating a country of 10 millionaires and 10 million beggars?

Thirdly, just how out of touch with the man on the street do you have to be to even suggest an idea like this to the president? And how out out touch do you have to be to accept the idea as good? doThis administration’s lack of realists would be comical if it were not so serious. It is easy to see now how these guys believed the draft constitution would sail through the referendum the day before the Kenyan voters told them where to stuff their draft. Just like that arrogant, self belief undid them then, it will undo them here. They basically do not care what anyone thinks and they think that is fine. They move from Ivory Tower to Ivory Tower and never take time to stop and listen.

Meanwhile back in the real world, at the same time as Kibaki and his friends are having their KSH 1 Million lunch, a bunch of us will be at Jeevanjee Gardens, snacks will be served to about 1000 people, although feel free to bring your own, KSH 1 million is purely optional Karibu!

Press release from the indefatigable MARS Group on behalf of the Kenyan Human Rights Network:

PRESS RELEASE ON 29TH AUGUST 2007 - A MILLION FOR LUNCH?OR ONE MILLION LUNCHES?

“Those with money have access to the president … those without have the votes to elect the president”
Civil Society, Nairobi Kenya

The Kenya Human Rights Commission (KHRC) has today (29th August 2007) given the OCS Central Police Station notice, under the Public Order Act, on behalf of the Kenya Human Rights Network (K-HURINET) of a public event to be held at Jeevanjee Gardens on Saturday the 1st of September 2007. KHRC has also obtained the necessary consents from the Nairobi City Council and the Friends of Jeevanjee Gardens.

The meeting shall be held from 10.00 am to 3.00 pm. Activities will include a public forum where snacks will be offered to an approximated 1000 people.

Please note that the function shall be preceded by a procession from the Globe Cinema Roundabout to the above mentioned venue. We shall assemble at the Globe Roundabout at 8.30 am and start the procession at 9.00 am

Mars Group Kenya
Media Laison for K-HURINET
Contact Jayne/Fiona
020 3533230
info [@] marskenya [dot] org

I love African outfits. I love the bright colours, the fabric, and the unapologetic joy that our clothes scream. It is impossible to wear a fantastic African outfit and feel depressed or low for very long. One look in a mirror and culture picks you right up.

All this makes me excited about the launch of dorothyduncan a business that sells a dare to live attitude and lifestyle though unique and exclusive pieces by independent fashion designers from various parts of the world. Co-founded by Kenyan Dorothy Ghettuba and Mandy Duncan from Guyana, dorthyduncan’s clothes are fantastic.

Equally important is that dorothyduncan seems focused and committed to the simultaneous pursuit of return on investment in three areas - financial, social and environmental, the triple bottom line. It is no longer acceptable to make money at the expense of the community and the planet.

dorothyduncan are currently featuring the Kenyan based design house Kimila Afrika who specialize in making outstandingly beautiful and comfortable Afro-Urban pieces with bold prints and bright colors from the leso/kanga fabric. The challenge for many African designers is the logistics that comes along with selling their clothes. There are limitations like shipping, payments methods etc but dorothyduncan is bridging that gap by being a one-stop shop of African designers.

They are out to build a company and build their community through that company. Social entrepreneurship at dorothyduncan through fashion! (They are also bloggers and members of KBW which makes them amongst my most favourite people!)

Have a look at dorothyduncan and let them know what you think.

Tedious, Tiresome, Terrible, Tormented Toro Backs Baks

(Inspired by one of the best headlines of all time.)

One busy Saturday when I was around 10 years old I was standing in a shop on Biashara Street in central Nairobi that sold food in bulk. Wholesale. I watched as man walked in and proceed to buy 14 (I counted them) cartons of Weetabix each carton holding around 24 boxes of the stuff.

I have never been so jealous or impressed in my life.

All those bars of Weetabix for one guy? What a hero; what a show-off. My mother reassured me that he probably was not going to eat it all himself but was most likely buying stock for his shop but I preferred my vision of him surrounded by boxes of the stuff and having it for every meal.

Back then the most popular kid amongst us was a guy who not only OWNED a proper football but used to dish out free Weetabix if his team won. Unsurprisingly my brothers and I (although on the opposing team) regularly ensured that his team always won in the end. Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do! I loved the stuff.

A few years later when I got home and proudly announced to my older brothers that they were looking at the new captain of the school under-13s rugby team I was promptly informed that I can not call myself a rugby captain unless I could eat 8 bars of Weetabix in one sitting using only one packet of milk (around 0.4 litres).

I made it. Just.

I am not sure why I was so obsessed with those brown bars of cereal. I have my theories but that is for another post another day. The strange this a few years I thought back one day and realised that I had not eaten any Weetabix in over 5 years.

I am not sure when I stopped, I just did. Basically I had grown up and, in a way, out grown the obsession. It used to be important, it no longer was.

The point behind my Weetabix story is that as a 10 year I never fathomed that a time would come when my thoughts wouldn’t be dominated by Weetabix. In fact the sole motivation for becoming an adult was so I could eat Weetabix when I wanted without having to ask anyone. At the time it never occurred to me that that would be unreasonable.

That contrasts sharply with my flirtation with “Gangsta Rap”. From the very first time I heard a Gangsta Rap song (probably around 13 when NWA were busy telling us to “Fuck the Police”) I knew in my heart that although I loved this new, brash, in-your-face type of music at the time, a day would surely come when I would look at it with disgust. In fact I used to excuse it to myself as one of the excesses of immature youth. I was young, I was growing up, I was immature and thus, I was allowed to like it. But even then I knew that one day I would just have to recognise it for the nonsense it is. Till then I could go around singing along to Snoop’s DoggyStyle from start to finish and feel only slightly guilty.

And it wasn’t just me. At times it looked like the whole of Kenya had this fever. Every estate had a guy who would could describe the geography of Los Angeles like he was born and breed there, “you drive though Compton, pass Inglewood, and get to South Central” and of course us muppets who had never been to the USA would nod our heads wisely like we were talking about Ngummo, Ngong Road and Kenyatta Market.

I must admit that falling out of love with Gangsta Rap took a lot longer than I anticipated when I was 13. In fact although Gangsta Rap songs were quickly out numbered in my collection by the time I started university it wasn’t until much later the ridiculousness of the whole situation slapped in me in the face.

Live8! Concerts around the world to fight for Africa, MAKE POVERTY HISTORY, wear a white band. Woo Hoo! Simultaneous concerts around the world with the blue ribbon event in London. Now there were many ridiculous things about Live8 and especially the London concert. One was that the organisers constantly turned away African artists who wanted to perform. Instead they were, belatedly, give their own little concert miles away in the Eden Project, as my pal T said, they threw us in the only jungle left in England. OK it is their country. But when even brilliant black British artist such as Lemar were turned away things were thick. So a look at the line up to check out the black artists and who do you come across.

Our good friend Snoop Dogg.

Now as Lola rightly says it is obvious to any rational person that Gangsta Rappers do not speak for African American community, leave alone Africans and all black people on the planet. But when Snoop got on stage at Live8 he had an opportunity to do something, to be somebody. Of course he didn’t. All he did was show case just how stupid this whole Gangsta Rap thing is.

For one he was the ONLY artist as far as I can remember who did not mention Africa at all when he was on stage. Not a word on AID or Trade on injustice, nothing. Perhaps he needs to attend TED Global Secondly he was the only artist (apart from Madonna I think) who could not refrain from swearing on stage. Fuck this, fuck that, motherfucking this.

What makes it even more disheartening is that some of these guys have brilliant minds. You do not pull yourself up from the floor of society to make millions without engaging your brain cells. I just wish they would engage them productively. I was listening to Chuck D talking on the BBC a while ago and he was talking about how he happened to be on the same plane to Australia as 50 Cent and spent a while talking to him. According to Chuck D, 50 Cent is one of the most intelligent people in the rap game today. Yet a few hours later 50 Cent was in front of a large crowd of 50,000 plus people and urging them to all shout, “KILL THAT NIGGA” as he (50 Cent) asked what he should about some of his rivals in the rap game. Now having a stadium full of kids shouting KILL THAT NIGGA is, as Chuck D pointed out, not healthy.

However Gangsta Rap especially in an African context is full of illogic. For one Gangsta Rappers want us to believe that they live the hardest lives ever. Now I am not one belittle another man’s experiences (and having seen inner city Manchester close up for many years I know that “developed country” means a different thing for a crown prince who flies in a private jet to Argentina to play polo than it does to the young kids of Moss Side who do not even have a playing field in their school) but KM has a great quote from a K’naan the rapper born in Mogadishu, Somalia,

If i rhyme about home, and got descriptive/
I’d make 50 cent look like limp bizkit.

Mogadishu –v- Compton = no contest.

Secondly, Gangsta Rap sells itself as ghetto/street music but Gangsta Rap as far as Kenya and the parts of Africa I have been to is not the music of the street. That is reserved for reggae a.k.a freedom music a.k.a revolution music a.k.a Roots a.k.a Dub. Call it what you want, that is the sound of the street.

Thirdly, and in many ways the most serious, the disrespecting our sisters. That this has somehow come to be labelled a black thing is the biggest disservice that Gangsta Rap has served on us. In fact the disrespecting of women by Gangsta Rap is one of the biggest signs of male disempowerment in society this world has to offer. Again on the BBC a few weeks ago when this topic was being debated I heard another Gangsta Rapper who apparently is meant to be quite articulate, Xzibit, give the most nonsensical and ridiculous justification for using NIGGA and BITCH/BYATCH etc in rap music. Luckily for the sane amongst us the BBC also had the great Fats Domino in the studio to talk about proper music as well as share some thoughts on just how misguided the youth of today are!

Luckily we have gurus of very good music amongst our midst and even more so good music is everywhere around us in every genre including rap. Personally I have had it with “Gangsta Rap”. I should have stuck with the Weetabix.

Journalists will hold a silent demonstration on the streets of Nairobi tomorrow – Wednesday 15th August to protest the controversial Media Bill. Civil Society will also demonstrate in solidarity with the media fraternity. All Kenyans are invited and urged to come and show their support.

The following are the details from the Inter-media committee:

The Silent Demo is on!

The Silent Demonstration will take place on Wednesday August 15, with the blessings and the support from the majority of media houses and associations as well as myriads of well wishers.

We shall assemble 8:30am at Freedom Corner at Uhuru Park. We will then march to the AG’s Chambers (via Kenyatta Ave- Moi Ave- Harambee Ave) where we will present a petition to the chief legal adviser to the Government and ask him to advise the President against signing the proposed law.

We shall then proceed to march around Parliament two times before breaking the demo at Freedom corner. The whole programme should take about two hours maximum.

The demo is silent for there will be no chanting nor singing.

We will actually be quiet through out the march and our mouths gagged with black cloth or duct tape. We can also adorn black scarves, head bands or arm bands.

So please bring along a gag, dress in your organisation’s branded wear [if available], AND remember to put on some comfortable walking shoes.

We are looking forward to your participation and your organisation’s support as we SILENCE this bad law.

NB: Watch out for a spectacular media showing on that day.

Standing as one,

Inter-media committee

Forwarded by Mars Group Kenya

On Wednesday afternoon I joined civil society activist in a peaceful march to parliament to present a petition to parliament protesting against the Media Bill passed by parliament which is now awaiting presidential consent and the corrupt, immoral, illegal “gratuity” payment Kenyan legislators are attempting to award themselves.

Last week civil society activists were harassed, beaten, tear-gassed, arrested illegally and almost killed in a car crash involving the police vehicle they were being transported in (after being arrested illegally) when trying to present the petition to parliament. I am happy to say that none of those things happened yesterday as the peaceful march passed as it was meant to, peacefully! A Member of Parliament (and ODM-K presidential candidate Joseph Nyagah) accepted the petition from us to take to parliament.

Below are the pictures from a day in which the Kenyan police respected the law they ask us to upload and let Kenyan citizens exercise their constitutionally protected right to petition their parliament. The full set (103 photos) is available on my Flickr account. Click on the images below to see full size picture.

Press Release from MARS Group Kenya

Monday, August 06, 2007

A Petition to Parliament on MP’s Gratuities, the unconstitutional Media Bill 2007 and other matters of urgent national importance – invitation to a Civil Society Briefing on Tuesday August 7th 2007.

Civil Society will be holding a press briefing at the Grand Regency Hotel, Magadi Room commencing at 11am on Tuesday 7th August 2007.

The briefing will be on a March on Parliament that will take place on Wednesday 8th August 2007 to present the first ever petition to Parliament by the people of Kenya. The right to petition Parliament is provided for under the Constitution of Kenya and the Standing Orders of Parliament.

Amongst the issues Civil Society is protesting are the proposed gratuities by parliament, the unconstitutional Media bill, police brutality on Civil society and the inhuman conditions in which the Police Force live and work.

contact:
Jayne/ Fiona
Tel: 020 - 35 33 230
Mars Group Kenya
Civil Society Media Liaison for the Petition and March on Parliament

www.marsgroupkenya.org
Watching out for You

How do you protect a country from a corrupt legislature? This is the question that all Kenyans with an interest in the future of their country must begin to tackle.

Civil society and activists in Kenya, as in the rest of Africa, and indeed the rest of the world, are by default tuned to check the excesses of the executive branch of government as it is usually the one with the most power and where the majority of corruption originates.

Kenyans after decades of systematic wide spread corruption under the Moi regime and the less than rosy record of the current leadership have good reason to be wary of the executive. However what is becoming increasingly clear is that the legislature, the very body mandated to keep the executive in check, is becoming THE MAIN CAUSE of systematic officially approved corruption in our nation.

A change on focus is required. Let me be clear, I am not talking only about MPs who support the government or MPs who stand in opposition. I am talking about the whole lot, the legislature as a body, all of them, together, as a collective, are symbolic of greed of the highest order. The latest example, the disgusting pay rises MPs are threatening to award themselves.

Where do we even start with these Members’ of Parliament in Kenya? These days I rarely get shocked and angry about Kenyan politics, not because there is nothing to get shocked and angry about but because we have seen it all before. This parliament, the most educated parliament we have ever had, is a disappointment beyond words. This latest proposed pay package they are threatening to award themselves is disgusting. Nothing more nothing else.

From The Daily Nation

At a time when Kenyans are being told to tighten their belts; when urgent development projects are on hold for lack of funds; when workers in key sectors in the public service are being denied the pay rises they deserve, it becomes not just heartless, but criminal, when MPs award themselves hefty sums at will.

Criminal indeed.

For a comprehensive view of just how disgusting this is read the following excellent post on the Mars Group blog.

Our view is that it is criminal for 222 MPs in the 9th Parliament to conspire against over-burdened Kenyan taxpayers by plotting to award each other Ksh 1.4 billion - an amount equivalent to the annual disbursement under the famous Youth Fund; which was intended to raise 79.1% of the population of Kenya who are youth out of poverty. 222 MPs want to award themselves an amount equivalent to what they gave to 21,248,984 Kenyan youth. A shocking example of raw greed.

Yes MPs want to award themselves the same amount of money they felt fit for ALL the youth in Kenya.

What is even more disgusting is the underhand way in which the government (as it is the one which proposed the bill) tried to sneak this past us hiding it us an amendment to an existing Miscellaneous Amendments Bill. Disgusting and underhand. What was even more disgusting was how our MPs, having heard that their allowances were to be voted on, all trooped into the chamber, and when then realised the Attorney General was not present and the matter could not go to the vote, all trooped out. Did it not cross their minds that they could actually sit and contribute to a debate that was not centred on their pay packages?

MPs MUST reject this proposal if it ever comes up in parliament. It will be impossible to take seriously ANY MP who supports this proposal; leave alone complete muppets like Madoka who thinks it is too LITTLE!

He said the commission had gone around the country and that Kenyans had given their views, saying their MPs’ pay should be increased and that they should receive a gratuity so that they could live a good life after Parliament.

LIES! Which Kenyan today, who knows how much these MPs are paid, thinks MPs are paid too little? Disgusting lies!

Yesterday lobbyists Ann Njogu, Okoiti Omtatah, Mwalimu Mati and Vicky Mbeca were arrested when police intercepted the demonstrators on Parliament Road and fired three tear gas canisters at them. Release them now.

A national conversation needs to start immediately on how to protect our country from our parliament.

My Scandinavian connection, Serina, tagged me and precedent dictates I respond! Besides she is a Rising Voices buddy so how could I not eh? There can not be much left unknown about me that is of interest to the wider world so let me hit you with 8 random things loosely related to Kenyan blogs. Now this started out as a simple list and has instead grown into a long post. Let this serve as a lesson for those who dare tag me! Hehe.

But first I have to post The rules:

1. We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.
2. Players start with 8 random facts/habits about themselves.
3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog and their 8 things and post these.
4. At the end of your blog post, you need to choose 8 people to get tagged and list their names (scared yet…..you better be!)
   Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they are tagged, and to read your blog.

And my list of 8 things:

1.) KenyaUnlimited is rocking a brand new spanking aggregator. Have a look and let me know what you think, how fast it loads where you are, and any problems you may encounter. I am especially interested on those who’s posts should up on the old aggregator but do not show up on this one.

2.) Related to number 1 above, KenyaUnlimited has a new aggregator help page. If you have any questions about the aggregator and aggregator policy, please read the help page. We have answered the most frequent questions we receive about the aggregator on this page. If you still have any questions drop the Admin Team an email.

3.) Facebook rocks! There is a group for Kenyan Bloggers on facebook. Other notable Facebook groups include the Afrigadget group and the Free Oiwan Lam group amongst others.

4.) The Digital Citizen Indaba blogging conference is on again at the Highway Africa Conference this year. Registration is open and it is free. You can also apply for a scholarship to attend. (Warning: this conference may actually require you to think and participate.)

Coming soon to a town near you an African Bloggers’ Conference and a Kenyan Bloggers’ Conference. Watch this space and get involved! Ask not what bloggers can do for you but what you … etc etc

6.) I feel like registering a group called the “Do More Collective” (DMC). Increasingly I hear Africans telling other Africans, to get up and, “do something”. I admit even I have been guilty of that. I feel that is wrong and here is why.

In the online world in general and the blogosphere in particular, just as in the real world, there are people who get up and decide to contribute and get on with it without a fuss. Because of their nature they end up taking more and more on and usually excel. This is not new, if I think back to my school days, my sports captains were usually amongst the brightest students, and were usually also prefects and probably sang in the choir and headed the school community projects as well. The Americans have a term to describe these characters: All Stars.

I find that instead of asking people to, “Do something”, to be fair I should recognise that they are already doing a lot and instead should be asking them to, “Do more.” Take the example of my brother Ndesanjo. This guy is the force behind the Kiswahili blogosphere starting it AND putting it on the map in a big way, he is also is pushing the Kiswahili Wikipedia, is Sub-Saharan editor of Global Voices, was one of the wise heads that formulated the Tanzanian Bloggers Association, is passionate about citizen media and developing tools to allow people to share their stories and still finds time to run his own collection of blogs (and I haven’t even mentioned his “real” 9-5 job).

It is ridiculous to walk up to someone like that and to tell him to “do something” what you really should be saying is, “we need your help to do more!” I am sure this is true of many of us online and I have many more examples I can throw at you.

We need to recognise that even though someone way not be working on our pet project or on what we may personally feel is THE most important thing around, they are probably already contributing in a big way to the empowerment of The Continent and Her People. Forget asking people to, “Do something” instead ask them to “Do more”.

7.) Since I moved back to Kenya a year ago the number of people reading my blog has gone up, but the number of comments has gone down. That in itself is not news. What is interesting is that some people who used to write comments before now send me SMS instead. They SMS within minutes of a post going up on the blog. I would say around 80% of the comments on my blog posts come via SMS. The Skunkworks team at the University of Nairobi Tech Day reported that a programmer was developing software to blog (and I guess comment) through SMS. Now that’s what I need! I tried the Email2SMS service by Safaricom but that died after a few days.

8.) The number one question I get asked by new bloggers is: How do I get more comments?

The easy answer:

1. Write original, good, content
2. Visit other bloggers and leave original and intelligent comments
3. Link to other blog posts in your posts
4. Use tags to get picked up by blog engines such as Technorati.
5. Be patient, it takes time to build up an audience

The less obvious answer:

Do your thing. Write your posts. Make your blog a reflection of you. Forget chasing comments. They are not a true indication of how popular, how widely read or how influential your blog really is. For example, if the first five comments on your blog are

1. I got here first
2. Damn I got here second
3. Boy oh boy number 1 and number 2 are fast, how did they get here first
4. hehe fast rhymes with first - written by number 3 above
5. I swear I was first but blogger ate my comment

And no one has commented on what you actually wrote or what issues you raised in the post, how do those comments add value to the price of oranges really? OK sure some people love getting those comments and it can be said they add to the sense of community, sure. But really, you should be chasing after those. However, this after all is my opinion.

At the other end of the scale check out Ethan’s excellent guides/blog posts/transcripts of the TED Global conference. Every blogger, journalist, columnist, researcher who writes about TED Global consult Ethan’s posts. They are an authoritative, well written, accessible online resource. Because so many bloggers link back to his blog, these posts are essentially the blogger equivalent of a peer reviewed professional article in a professional journal. Yet the posts do not carry a ridiculous amount of comments. The posts do carry a lot of influence though.

Forget chasing comments. Do your thing. Free your mind!

There are gyms and there are gyms.

The first type of gym most of us would find familiar. They are mushrooming all over Nairobi in a pattern that is repeated in any big city in the world. These gyms have rowing machines, exercise bikes, a wide variety of pulley driven machines with digital interfaces informing you of your heart rate and exactly how many calories you have burned in the last 60 seconds. MTV Base on one flat screen TV in one corner, CNN on another, local news on the third. Chargers for mobile phones and iPods are available if you ask nicely. They carry a selection of free weights, starting from 0.5 Kgs (which you are encouraged to hold as you “power walk” on the treadmill). These gyms offer a dazzling amount of extras outside the immediate gym room such as aerobic classes, massages, power showers and complimentary towels, a sauna here, a steam room there and of course a hefty membership fee. Examples of this kind of gym, to name just two of the hundreds across Nairobi, are the gym at Silver Spring Hotel and the one at Sarit Centre shopping mall. Those are gyms.

Then there are gyms. If you ever find yourself in the NEWA part of Ngummo in the late afternoon or very early morning and are feeling brave, stop any of the young men and ask them for directions to The Jungle. A walk down one of the side alleys, a quick side step around some dogs and you will find yourself in a backyard which has one gym bench (refurbished), a barbell (welded), and many many free weights, usually made from pouring cement into paint tins and chipping away to ensure the weights are balanced. No rowing machines or treadmills here, if you want to warm up, well that’s why the government is laying tarmac on the roads, get your jog on.

For the most famous, or perhaps infamous, example of this kind of gym in Nairobi you need to get yourself to Ololo better known as Kaloleni and ask for Big Boys. Have you ever wondered where those gorilla bouncers, gorilla freaks, muscle bound nutters you bump into work out? Most probably Big Boys. I remember being taken there by one of my bros, who is one of those Gorilla bouncers, and sitting outside listening to a bunch of muscle bound nutters talking about beans. Beans and beans and beans, the poor mans substitute for those crazy and very expensive muscle supplements.

Big Boys was what people in the gym trade call Chuma (chuma is Kiswahili for iron/metal). You don’t say you are going to the gym, you say you are going to Chuma (usually holding both hands in a fist around your chest and saying, “Chuma daddy!”. It certainly lives up to that name. A look around the room and you will see many weight lifting benches, many barbells and dumbbells and the craziest collection of free weights you have ever seen. We’re talking about 100 kgs dumbbells here and the like. (Although I understand that these days Big Boys has become gisty!) Want to warm up, forget treadmills and the like, grab a skipping rope. Apart from the numerous mirrors everything else in there is basically hard, cold, no nonsense metal. CHUMA daddy!

So what has all this got to do with presidential motorcades? True, Moi’s motorcade when he was president and Kibaki’s motorcade now share a lot in common. Both are packed full of brand new, armoured plated, dark blue Mercedes Benz. (Moi’s guys tried BMWs for a year or so but I do not see them around now, I wonder what happened to them.) Both motorcades are packed full of the crème de la crème (or total nutters depending on your point of view) of the Kenyan police force, the Presidential Escort Unit. Both motorcades are extremely secure, both are extremely lethal if you have the audacity (or stupidity depending on your point of view) to cross them.

There are some notable differences between the two.

Moi’s motorcade was like Big Boys. Big, powerful, no nonsense, hard, get-out-of-the-way-now-if-you-want-to-live and fast. Very very fast. Very very very fast. You never ever got a good look at Moi’s motorcade. To be honest you probably didn’t even see it coming. You would driving along, minding your own business, smelling the roses and all of a sudden you have a powerful police motorcycle next to you and police man shouting in your ear, his face so close you can smell the Embassy Kings on breath, telling you to pull over NOW. Usually by pointing a finger off the road and saying “huko” which is Kiswahili for “there”. It didn’t matter if “huko” was a bush, a ditch, a rock, just get off the road and do it fast. A couple of seconds later a big Mercedes, dark blue on the bottom and white on the top, with a single blue flashing light and constant high pitch siren, with no number plates, a big red sign which reads “Presidential Escort” would fly past, windows down with four scary looking “Echo Charlies”, as PEU are known, staring out, then a flurry, a blur, of motorcycles, Mercedes, Range Rovers, and 504 station wagon Peugeots carrying the Presidential Press Unit would fly past. Then another motorcycle and then, suddenly

silence.

Just like Keyser Söze, they are gone.

It may not have been pretty, it may not have been fancy, but damn, it was scary, efficient and effective. CHUMA daddy.

Then there is Kibaki’s motorcade.

First difference, everybody knows when Kibaki is going to pass. Why? Because these days they close roads almost TWENTY BLEEDING MINUTES before he turns up. You sit and you sit and you sit, people switch of their engines, get out of their cars and lean against the bonnet, newspaper vendors make a killing selling copies of those weeklies no one ever buys, and everyone is on their mobile phone saying, “I’ll be late, Baks is passing.”

Second difference, when the motorcade finally does turn up, boy oh boy, those guys must be listening to “Summertime” by Fresh Prince and DJ Jazzy Jeff

Every moment frontin and maxin
Chillin in the car they spent all day waxin
Leanin to the side but you can’t spead through
Two miles an hour so everybody sees you

Whereas Moi’s motorcade would constantly break the land speed record, Baks motorcade, after making you wait for 30 minutes, drives past moss moss like they don’t have a care in the world! Two miles an hour so everybody sees you!

Third difference, Kibaki’s full ceremonial motorcade is like whoa! I’m not taking the everyday, working-at-state-house version. I am talking about the one they unleash for state occasions or big events. The first time I saw the “full” motorcade was on the way to Nairobi Show on Wednesday which as we all know is “President’s day”. (What do you mean you didn’t know!). I was on Ngong Road when we were pulled over by the cops for the now customary 20 minute wait.

And when it came, my goodness. I like to think I am not easily impressed but I will readily admit that motorcade made the hairs on the back of neck stand up. Unfortunately it is illegal to record or take pictures of the motorcade otherwise I would have been snapping away. There was a row of brand new Rav4 Police SUVs, the PEU Recce team Mercedes and Range Rovers, then came the Presidential limousine flanked by six big, armoured plated S-Class Mercedes and they were flanked in turn by a squad of around 20 big BMW police motorcycles. Remember that Peugeot station wagon 504 that was used to ferry around the Presidential Press Unit in Moi’s days? We’ll they’ve upgraded it. A brand new Mercedes E Class station wagon, they stuck a metal rack on top of the merc and the journalist climbs on top with his video camera tripod and video camera. On top of a Mercedes! Have a look for yourself!

Click picture for a larger image.

Yes, this motorcade is impressive, 878 Million Kenyan shillings (12 million USD) impressive.

It is like there are two different philosophies at work here. Moi’s motorcade is a big no nonsense bouncer saying, “Do not even think about it” Kibaki’s motorcade is a bouncer saying, “Come on, have a good if you think you are hard enough.”

Moi’s motorcade – hard, no nonsense, CHUMA gym.
Bak’s motorcade – hard, fancy, Hilton gym.

Shashank Bengali the African correspondent for McClatchy Newspapers has written an article on the African blogosphere for his newspaper group. An edited version of the story was carried by the Miami Herald today. Shashank also runs a blog called “Somewhere in Africa” which is full of interesting read such as this post on the blogger/skunker/techie/TEDster/nyama choma lovers/penguins* meet up on Madaraka Day3 weeks ago.

(*Ask Riyaz about the penguins)

Aside: It is hard not to laugh nervously when a professional photographer is taking your mugshot in one of your regular cyber cafes! That may (or may not) explain why I look strange in the photo!

Yesterday I had one of those moments that you can only really experience in a place like Nairobi. A single question that could fill an entire term’s worth of philosophy, religious education, political science lectures.

I was sitting in a cyber café when the lady on the computer next to me, a complete stranger, turned to face me and pointing to her screen asked, “Excuse me, what does this word mean?” One of her friends had forwarded her a joke which had the word “heterosexual” in it; this was the word she wanted me to explain to her.

Easy peasy right?

Not quite, just try it now, how would you explain, in a couple of sentences what heterosexual means?

I fell into the trap of immediately going down the sexual route as I blurted out, “People who have sex with people of the opposite sex”.
“Ah you mean prostitutes?” she replied.

Ok clearly I wasn’t getting my point across. So I embarked on the opposites approach, employing the Law of Contradiction (or Noncontradiction if you prefer). I asked her if she knew what homosexual was. She wasn’t sure. Damn.

So now I am digging deeper, because she wants to know what homosexual is and I am not going to fall into the trap of defining everything by sexual intercourse again.

Forget sexual intercourse I had bigger problems as I now I found myself using words like “normal” as in, heterosexual are normal. Now do I really want to go there? Heterosexual as the definiendum and normal as the definiens for that definiendum? Or ‘normal’ as the prima inter pares in a series of definiens on heterosexuality? That implies, by extension, homosexuals are not normal. Isn’t that an abuse of the Law of Identity? Besides I feel that is not for me to decide for her, whatever my beliefs on homosexuality and heterosexuality are. One of my brothers told me, “The fact that you hesitated and resisted to using the word “normal” when describing heterosexual highlights that you have been living outside.” (Outside = outside the country and indeed the continent). Now that sparked of a whole new debate, but I digress. This lady and her question was threatening to take over my thought process for the rest of the month!

So try it now, explain heterosexuality without using the word ‘normal’ or referring to sexual intercourse.

Now you see what I mean about filling a term’s worth of lectures of philosophy, religious education, political science etc.

Later in the day as I shared this story with a friend she gave me her solution, I should have just told that lady to Google it. Now why didn’t I think of that!

Thinker reminds us that …

Blogs, email and text messages, while lending themselves to informing, also lend themselves to abuse.

… in his post that argues it is irresponsible for us to report the blast in Nairobi as bomb or indeed suicide bomb unless we have official confirmation from the police. Agreed, it would be irresponsible for us to report the blast without checking the sources of the stories.

When I first heard the story on local radio stations I turned to Reuters which is a reliable news outlet and generally has an impeccable record as far as the accuracy of its reporting goes.

Reuters report now reads (bear in mind these reports are constantly updated):

A senior policeman at the scene said the explosion, which also left a mangled corpse in the street and sent passers-by flying through the air, seemed to be a suicide bombing.

My own blog post on the topic is full of qualifiers, apparently this, apparently that. I even put a paragraph at the end of the post cautioning that this is all speculation at the moment as we await the facts.

A quick look at the KenyaUnlimited Aggregator shows many other Kenyan bloggers qualified their reporting too.

Let me bring in another angle. The most common complaint I have heard today from Kenyans abroad is that the the Daily Nation and East African Standard websites had almost no information for a long while. The most frequently updated Kenyan news website these days is the KBC website, however earlier this morning when I checked it was down.

I would argue that it is stories like this that rather than showing the danger of blogs, HIGHLIGHT the importance of blogs and other citizen media. While the MSM was stuck in its procedures, bloggers wrote about what they had heard, seen or were told. There is nothing wrong with quoting primary sources. The historians amongst us can confirm the importance with which primary sources are regarded on any historical event. The eyewitness account, the man on the street as it were.

If you wanted to know what Kenyans were thinking and feeling at the time the blogs were a very good place to start.

As for waiting for an official police statement before commenting on this blast, to that I would ask: where is the lengthy police statement on the Mungiki crisis? Where is the lengthy police statement on the Mount Elgon clashes? Both were major incidents in the past month which claimed more lives that the blast this morning, yet we haven’t seen the same coordinated response to dishing out information as we have on this blast. Are we to await the official statement on those events as well before stepping in with our take on events? How long are you prepared to wait?

Isn’t it telling that Police Commissioner Hussein’s lengthy statement appears on the website of the Office of Government Spokesperson (OGS) and not on the Kenya Police website which carries a 3 sentence press release by the Police Spokesman?

Why would the OGS jump in on this story when Mungiki and Mount Elgon were much more serious events yet he restrained himself? I would argue it is because the OGS quickly realised that this was an international story which would generate interest from around the world.

Their intention was not to inform, their intention was damage control. I will agree with the Commish on one thing, however, in my opinion, the disaster management procedures worked well, after the initial shock everything seemed to click.

I firmly believe that the take up of the story by Kenyan bloggers helped generate this international interest. Don’t believe that bloggers have that much influence? Then explain why the “Blog Search button” is next to the “Advanced News Search” button on Google News or why Reuters has started featuring African bloggers prominently on its news site. In a round about way, the noise bloggers generated about this story is one of the reasons The Commish and the GOS rushed to get out that press release.

Hopefully if Kenyan bloggers keep the noise up on Mungiki, Mount Elgon et al and the Commish and the GOS will rush to release a lengthy press release on those stories as well.