If I were a headline writer

Tedious, Tiresome, Terrible, Tormented Toro Backs Baks

(Inspired by one of the best headlines of all time.)

|  Email This Post | Add comment Wednesday, August 29th, 2007 at 10:25 AM

Doing my head in

Generally I am as easy going as the next guy; just walking around, minding my own business, smelling the roses, being easy. Every once in a while, however, I am drawn into such a rage I wish I was Dr. Bruce Banner so I could unleash my anger as a big green monster.

Target number 1 - School van drivers

Anyone who does the school run or drives regularly during the Nairobi morning rush hour will have encountered a special breed of these characters. Usually matatu drivers who have received a ‘promotion’ these guys pack a van full of school kids and then proceed to tear down the potholed roads of Nairobi at 100 Kph. They swerve in front of you, they cut in front of LORRIES, they overtake around blind corners and regularly break the side-view mirrors of other cars. I want to grab them, shake them and tell them, “LISTEN YOU MUPPETS those are people’s children, the future of this country, this continent, this world, innocent school kids that you are putting under unnecessary danger to cut 10 seconds of your school run. CALM DOWN!”
I have started recording licence plate numbers, school names, time and dates of incidents and I am going to start sending them to the relevant schools. I hope they take some action.

Target number 2 - People who scream into microphones/loud speakers

I have no problem with the muezzin calling the faithful to prayer. I have no problem that he does it 5 times a day. I have no problem that this is a largely residential area but that doesn’t seem to bother him in the least. I have no problem that he uses a very loud PA system to get the call out at all times of day, sometimes very early in the morning. No problem with any of that. After a few years you get used to it I guess.
No.
What really really really irritates me about this muppet is that he SCREAMS into his microphone which turns the whole calling the faithful to prayer thing into extreme, very irritating, agony for any of us listening (including I suspect, the faithful he is hoping to inspire). And when I say he screams I mean he SCREAMS. The guy shouts and screams into that microphone of his so loud that all the dogs in the estate panic and start barking back loudly. This means that 5 times a day for around 10 minutes the whole estate is engulfed in the most annoying symphony of microphones and mongrels. I want to grab the guy and tell him, “LISTEN YOU MUPPET. The reason the benefactors of this mosque equipped you with the state of the art microphone and PA system was so you WOULDN’T HAVE TO SHOUT TO BE HEARD, CAPICE? Be easy man. Walk up to the microphone take a deep breath and do your thing in your normal voice, let the PA system handle the amplification that is required.” (If any of you think I exaggerate how terrible it sounds I urge you to turn up in Golf Course 1, between Ngong road and Kenyatta Market, just before 4pm today or any other day for that matter.)

Aii!

|  Email This Post | 1 comment Tuesday, May 29th, 2007 at 1:34 PM

Uncool

The shadiest person in Nairobi is:

A guy driving a BMW fast
While talking on his mobile phone
In Nairobi morning rush hour traffic
Jumps a red light (still on the phone)
Almost hits you
Looks up at you when you swerve to avoid him and hoots angrily
Drives past you sticking up his middle finger

and best (worst) of all

His rear license plate reads: “Benjamins” .

LOL. Ati Benjamins. What a muppet.

Since he is in Kenya his plate should read, “Elephants” because if Puff Daddy had sang that song here it would have been, “All about the Elephants baby!”

The most useless and shadiest guy in Nairobi.

If he wants a cool license plate he should borrow a clue from this guy and get one which looks like this:

Oh yeah baby rm -rf /! Now that would impress the ladies!

|  Email This Post | 5 comments Thursday, March 22nd, 2007 at 3:32 PM

Utumishi Kwa Wote

Kenyans like to think of ourselves as the elder brothers in the East African community and as such are sometimes reluctant to learn from our immediate “smaller brothers” neighbours. After the Sunday I had I’ve found one area in which Kenya could learn from Uganda.

When I was in Kampala (BDIS) I noticed that many police officers carried a folder filled with a neat pile of paper. I learnt that these sheets of paper are actually tickets for traffic offences. On one side of the form the police officer fills in your details and details of the offence. On the other side of the form is a list of traffic offences and next to each offence the amount, in Ugandan shillings, of the fine for that offence. Once the ticket is issued you have 30 days to go to the bank and pay the fine. If you fail to do so, your car’s road licence and your driving licence will be suspended and not renewed until you have made the payment. Apparently the form also has information on the steps to take if you wish to dispute the ticket.

A couple of things stand out to me:

1. The amount of the fine for each offence is printed on the paper. The police officer can not inflate the amount you are meant to be fined as it is there in black and white for both of you to see.
2. In any case, the police officer never handles the money. Once the ticket is issued you go to the bank and pay the fine there.
3. You have 30 days in which to pay the fine. Giving a full monthly circle is sensible as it allows a reasonable amount of time to raise the money.

Compare that to Kenya.

A simple traffic offence, for example parking obstruction, not having a hazard triangle or talking on your mobile phone while driving, can land you in jail. Yes, jail. You can be arrested, taken to a police station, charged and thrown into jail, with thugs, thieves and murders.

In addition you may not be informed of the option to pay a bond and if you are, the amount to pay may vary considerably depending on which officer you are talking to. That is if there is a senior officer available to sign the bond form in the first place. If there is no such officer available, you wait. If they come after 6pm, you sleep in jail and pay the next day after being dragged to court.

In addition (yes there are many additions) your car may be impounded and not released until you have appeared in court. If you have the misfortune of being arrested on Friday evening, it could take until Monday morning before you appear in court. Three nights in the slammer; for not having standard headlights, for having a faulty seatbelt or for not wearing a seatbelt when one is available. That can not be an efficient or even sensible use of police time and state resources.

I do agree that there are some driving offences for which there are compelling arguments for some jail time; perhaps drink driving or extremely dangerous driving. But dragging a guy to jail on a Sunday because he was parked on the side of the road while be bought vegetables in an area with no formal parking is ridiculous.

The most irritating thing about the whole episode was the txts I kept getting from someone who thinks nothing can possibly be going on that has nothing to do with them! Aiii the world does not rotate on your axis! Even more irritating was that I missed most of AMREF’s 50 years celebration concert which looked sawa sawa.

(Utumishi Kwa Wote (Service to All) is the motto of the Kenyan Police Force.)

++++++++++++++++++++++

In other much more joyful news, Kenyan Pundit is now Mama Gabriella (aka Baby KP). Congratulations! Check out Kenyan Pundit for a picture of the cute little one.

|  Email This Post | Add comment Wednesday, March 7th, 2007 at 11:23 AM

WP is playing me

Wewe JKE I blame you! After reading your post I went and faithfully upgraded to WordPress 2.1.1 on Friday and then today I read this:

Long story short: If you downloaded WordPress 2.1.1 within the past 3-4 days, your files may include a security exploit that was added by a cracker, and you should upgrade all of your files to 2.1.2 immediately.

Now I’ve just spent around 2 hours upgrading all over again! (I have the slowest FTP in the world. It’s enough to make me switch to Fantastico auto installs!) If WordPress 2.1.3 comes out this week, I will sell my computer and move to Bungoma and farm bananas for the rest of my days bila internet I tell you.

WordPress users, do the necessary with your installations to ensure your blog is secure.

On a slightly related note, is anyone else have problems accessing WordPress.com and blogs hosted on WordPress.com? Haven’t been able to view the site for a couple of days now.

|  Email This Post | 10 comments Wednesday, March 7th, 2007 at 10:53 AM

Taken for a ride

Earlier this year the “Artur brothers”, foreign mercenaries brought into Kenya to create chaos, allegedly pulled out guns at Jomo Kenyatta International Airport and threatened members of the public and members of the security services before speeding of in their cars. When witness at the commission set up to investigate the event differed on whether or not guns were pulled, the commission asked for tapes from the CCTV cameras, which were perfectly positioned to record the events. The commission was informed that apparently the cameras were not working that day.

Second example, John Githongo, the former Permanent Secretary in charge of Governance and Ethics who was forced to flee Kenya due to his investigations into corruption, meets with officials from the Kenya Anti Corruption Commission at the Kenyan embassy in London to present a dossier containing evidence of corruption by senior members of Kibaki’s government. To avoid confusion in the future about what was said and what wasn’t said during the meeting it is agreed that the anti corruption officials will take an audio recording of the proceedings and to that effect the anti corruption officials brought the necessary equipment to the meeting. Months later after Martha Karua, Minister for Justice, accused Githongo of, “not co-operating with the investigators” Githongo asked for the audio recordings to be made public only to be told by Aaron Ringera, the head of the Kenyan Anti Corruption Commission, that the recording equipment had failed.

Thirdly, on Sunday we learnt that somehow thugs managed to break into the heavily guarded Times Tower in Nairobi, managed to get to the 14th floor which is occupied by the section of the Kenya Revenue Authority which holds sensitive tax records and managed to steal a large number of computers with vital data, all this without any struggle and police even believe the perpetrators may have had keys to the building. The icing on the cake comes when the KRA informs us that most probably the stolen data was not backed up.

From these three examples we learn that the authorities can not record video, fail to record audio and do not back up vital computer records. Either that or someone somewhere is taking us for fools.

JKIA has applied for “Category One” status. This would enable airlines to fly direct to the United States from Kenya. The key component to getting Category One status is security. Now the Kenyan airport authorities want us to believe that during the biggest security breech EVER at a Kenyan airport the CCTV cameras were not working. Yeah right.

The Kenyan Anti Corruption Commission and the parliamentary Public Accounts Committee travel all the way to London with the sole purpose of interviewing Githongo to hear his evidence against the perpetrators of corruption in Kenya, someone of them senior political figures. Are we seriously meant to believe that on that day of all days, in that meeting of all meetings, that the audio equipment failed? And no one noticed it had failed on the day so they could record another session? They only “discovered” it had failed when they got back to Kenya? The equipment used by the KACC was same as used by the parliamentary Public Accounts Committee where it worked flawlessly. Did they not test the equipment? Did they not check to see if it had recorded on the day? It just failed? Yeah right.

And how can an organisation as through and determined as the KRA have the audacity to tell us that vital tax records that were held on computers which just happened to be stolen (from the 14th floor - no hit, grab and run mission this) just happened not to be backed up? The KRA wants us to believe that they have worse data management skills than any high school student in the world who all know you must keep at least two copies of vital documents? Yeah right!

Whatever you do, do not hire this government to record your wedding. You’d be lucky if they managed to capture anything at all.

|  Email This Post | 6 comments Tuesday, September 26th, 2006 at 1:48 PM

Radio gone mad

Will someone please get all the breakfast radio presenters and producers in the country and shake some sense into them to inject a doze of reality. Breakfast radio is meant to be safe. Radio you can listen to with children, radio you can listen to with parents, radio you can listen to without having to look over your shoulder in case anyone else heard what you just heard. But breakfast radio in Kenya is crazy. In fact it is pornographic.

Take this example from last week. A lady wrote into a station asking for advice as a foreign man she had met on the internet had just sent her a plane ticket to go visit him. For the next half hour we were subjected to a discussion on penis size and which countries you should travel to for some good loving.

A few days later another show was discussing a couple who had not had sex for 6 months and what sex advice we could collectively give to get them at it like rabbits again. Now these are all valid topics for discussion I agree, just not why the nation is having its morning uji.

And it is not just a Kenyan thing, in South Africa I woke up to a radio discussion of whether M,M,F threesomes were better than M,F,F threesomes. And in Uganda listeners to the station which was being blasted in our Akamba bus were asked to call in with their GRANDPARENT’S sex secrets (because our grandparents had such healthy children you see). All this before 9am. What is going on here? Did one station go raunchy and the rest follow, or did they just all go mad at some FM radio convention and decide to shock the continent?

For more madness check out KenyaMusings’ on another crazy discussion yesterday and sylkwan’s post from the beginning of the year shows its been going on for a while.

I have to admit I am a big fan of Valentine Njoroge and Shawn Bartlett (??? I can never catch the co-hosts name) drive time show on Classic FM (Classic FM in Kenya unlike Classic FM’s anywhere else in the world has absolutely nothing to do with classic music. It plays classic old school tracks though, which is where I guess it gets its name.) Valentine and Yvonne (??? Still have no idea on that name) work well together on air and at least they talk about other stuff other than relationships relationships relationships.

|  Email This Post | 4 comments Tuesday, September 26th, 2006 at 1:16 PM

Chevra

Whenever I hear of someone going home to Kenya for a visit I always ask them to bring me back the same thing (I do not wait for them to offer, I more or less demand it). All I want from home is Chevra.

There are two things which Kenyans make like no one else on the planet, Fanta Orange and Chevra. Both are beautiful! In Manchester Asian supermarkets have rows of different types of Chevra. But none of them hit the spot.

2006 has been a bad year for my Chevra exploits. It started with a valuable bag of stuff disappearing into the Sultanate that is Qatar. At least I got to go back home to restock so I recovered from that disaster. Those stocks were quickly depleted. Since then two people I know have headed home, each one promised to come back with my Chevra fix, but no! They did not even bother to offer excuses. I was given the “We couldn’t be bothered with a trip to the supermarket and what are you going to do about it” treatment.

All seemed lost until last week another so called friend txted me from Nairobi to ask if there was anything I wanted. Oh Yes! What a superstar! They landed in Manchester yesterday.

Me: Where is my chevra superstar?
SS: Kwani you didn’t hear Uchumi shut down?
Me: argggggggggggggggggh!!!!!

Oh well at least they thought of an excuse (a very crap one).

|  Email This Post | 23 comments Monday, June 5th, 2006 at 6:24 AM

Tired of the laziness

[rant]
It took me three times before I could sit through the whole of The Constant Gardner. The first two times I stopped watching about half way through the movie. That movie irritated me like I have not been irritated in a long while. The movie to me is a clear example of the intellectual laziness excused by good intentions that seems to be ascendant in dealings with Africa.

You can get away with peddling all sorts of intellectual crap these days so long as you wrap it all up in nice flowery good intentions. Parts of this movie came across as nonsense to me. For example, there was a guy who had refused to take an AIDS test. The British woman tells him to take one, suddenly the next day he agrees to take one, “why did he change his mind” she asks? “Because you told him”, her black side kick replies gazing into her eyes. Then there is that silly scene where she goes to have her baby in a run down and dirty hospital in Kiberia because the, “women of Kiberia have no choice but to have their babies there.” How the hell was that meant to be sweet? She drove there in a Land Rover, she left in Land Rover, she is a wife of top British diplomat, once she delivers her baby she will go back to her massive house complete with servants, and we are meant to feel moved for her solidarity with the women of Kiberia, nonsense. And this movie was meant to be a picture of reality in Kenya? Nonsense. To me she came across as full of tokenism. But hey, they are putting Africa on the map right? They are raising money for charity right? So it’s all ok. They can peddle any crap they want so long as they have good intentions right?

I was listening to an interview on the radio a while ago on the BBC where an African music promoter was complaining about the lack of access African artists and African promoters have to the UK. He complained that governments and venues would fall over each other to host concerts like Live8 where they are raising money for us, but those same governments and venues will never assist African promoters in generating wealth for Africa through bringing African artist to the perform in the west. If the artists do manage to get a work/entertainment permit to enter the UK (in itself a nightmare - many artists come in on tourist visas which forbid you from working) to perform, then venues are reluctant to book them. Or increase their fees 500%. These promoters also said that they approached the Live8 organisers and offered to bring African artist to the London concert. They would have covered their own costs. They did not ask for a penny, but they were turned down by the organisers. But since those organisers had good intentions, since they were part of Live8 its all good right? I mean their intentions are good right?

The examples are endless and to be fair a lot of the nonsense comes from within. Until last week the main UN human rights body was the UN Human Rights Commission (it has since been replaced by the Human Rights Council of the UN). Which countries did other African nations choose as their representatives on the now disbanded commission? Zimbabwe, Libya and Sudan. But they have good intentions right? They stick up against the colonialists, right? They are showing Africa will not be pushed around right?

Argh!

[/rant]

|  Email This Post | 4 comments Thursday, May 11th, 2006 at 12:55 PM

Taking the piss

English slang definitions:
Taking the piss: to ridicule; to tease; to make fun off.

The local transport bigwigs in this part of the world go by the initials GMPTE for Greater Manchester Passenger Transport Executive. These guys have elevated taking the piss to an art form.

An example:

Here is a picture of the bus stop closest to where I live:

Nothing remarkable there, nothing to get the blood boiling. Just an ordinary, honest, boring bus stop. But then about two weeks ago a sign popped up on the bus stop. If you look closely you can see it tied to the pole in the above picture. This is what that sign reads:

This bus stop has been upgraded??? UPGRADED? How? Apart from putting up a notice informing us they have upgraded it and we should be grateful the muppets haven’t touched it. Ati upgraded. Taking the piss. “Quality bus corridors programme” yeah right.

Photos taken on a Nokia N70 (BDIS).

|  Email This Post | 13 comments Wednesday, April 5th, 2006 at 2:31 PM

Quick response kitu gani

A burning question raised by Kikuyumoja, where the hell was this “Quick Response Unit” a few weeks ago when that five-storey building, still under construction, collapsed on Ronald Ngala Street and people actually need to be rescued quickly?

|  Email This Post | 2 comments Friday, March 3rd, 2006 at 4:08 PM

Empty debes make the most noise

As many of you know I started KBW over a year ago in an effort to bring Kenyan bloggers together into a forum where we could discuss and exchange ideas, share opinions and build a community around those ideas and ideals. It has been very interesting and uplifting watching this come into being. And I have said many times, bloggers are my favourite kind of people!

What I have not shared though is my reaction to the hilarious, silly, childish and pathetic criticisms of KBW l have heard over the last couple of years. I hope I do not have to put a massive disclaimer explaining that I do not think that all criticism is bad. You can work that out for yourself right? Let me just have some fun writing about the lame ass attempts at insults sent our way.

1.) “You KBW bloggers you are so polite. Everybody loves everybody.”

This is actually my favourite attempted attack on KBW as it tells us all about the attacker while showering KBW with good light. We have a community of thinking, responsible adults who share their feelings through their blogs and even though they may disagree with each other they still conduct the debate in the good spirit of engagement. If you want an example, go through the archives on different blogs and look at opinions on Live8 and the whole Make Poverty History campaign. You will not find two blogs that shared the same point of view. Some were very opposed, others loved it. But you know what, we are all still here and we have moved on to discuss other things. That’s what intelligent people do, we debate, discuss and move to talk about other things together because we have not insulted each other to the point of offence.

People who try to knock us by saying that we are polite to each other are idiots (haha how polite is that then muppets). Since I started KBW we have never had any rules of engagement, any code of conduct. No made anyone sign anything saying that you have to treat each other well. KBW members are polite to each other not because they have to but because they WANT to. If you can not understand that people can hold different opinions but remain civil, that people can oppose each other yet remain friendly, that people can debate without insulting then you need some serious help.

In fact we have a kind of natural selection taking place. When people want to debate and engage in civil and robust debate, when they want to be part of a vibrant community they register that blog as part of KBW. When they want to insult, when they want to be derogatory and offensive they deliberately keep that blog outside KBW. Natural selection. No one makes them do that, they just know. And that for me is the best advertisement we have for KBW. We have high standards. We will not dilute them for anybody.

2.) “You KBW bloggers, you are such a lovey dovey family”

Now someone please explain to me how this one is meant to be bad. Again I feel it is all to do with the respect KBW members have for each other. The people who insult us thus confuse our respect for blind acceptance. I respect most of the KBW bloggers. That does not mean I blindly accept all they write (I mean for crying out loud we have frigging Man Utd, Arsenal and Chelsea supporters up in here, the misguided souls). But respect them and treat them with respect, yes I do that. I will not go around blogs writing, “this is bullshit, this is bullshit, don’t take it if you cant dish it out” because that is stupid. If I disagree then let us debate. I do not need to eat their first born to make my point.

3.) “You bloggers are not true Kenya. You have computers and money.”

Look at this idiotic attempt to define Kenya and Kenyans. Kenyans do not have computers and money. You can have a computer, you can have money but if you have the two together … WHOA … you better apply for Ugandan citizenship because you can not be Kenyan!
That is even before we deal with the basic assumption that all bloggers and rich and work for Dell or Microsoft with 24 hour access to computers and the internet. Umm yeah. Muppet.

I am proud of KBW. I am proud that we are making a name for Kenya online. I am proud that we are developing a strong and healthy respect for Kenya online. I a proud that we lead the way as a vibrant African webring. I am proud that we do not walk around insulting each other on our blogs. I am proud that we can agree to disagree in a civil manner. I am proud that before we agree to disagree we can have spirited debate. I am proud that I have made many friends through the webring. I am proud that some of our members consider each other family. I am proud that people on KBW think twice and collect their thoughts before firing of insult after insult. I am proud that the best insult people can swing at us is that we get along. I am proud that we have shown that a Kenyan online community does not have to pander to the lowest common denominator. I am proud that I can send the KBW link to my siblings, parents, uncles, aunties, professors, former classmates, work mates and not have to think twice. And most of all I am proud that thus far no one had to tell us how to behave, no one told us that we have to be polite or that we should not insult each other. No one told us, we just did, it became normal, because that the kind of community we wanted and that is the kind of community we have.

If you have made it this far, congratulations! As a reward here are some pictures of an adult goat at a nature preserve which adopted a baby rhinoceros whose mother was killed by poachers (click on the slideshow).

|  Email This Post | 20 comments Tuesday, February 28th, 2006 at 3:25 PM

venting

Arrrgh!

Ayoha al-motsaeb, al satheg, al-fahesh, al-makhodo’a!

OK! I feel much better now, thanks …

|  Email This Post | 8 comments Tuesday, September 6th, 2005 at 8:57 PM

No way

Sometimes things are so bloody obvious you don’t even want to mention them but it has to be said this Zimbabwe stuff really is nonsense.

How in the hell would refusing the Zimbabwe cricket team to play in the UK have “sent a strong message to Mugabe?” I mean are you so detached from reality to actually think Bob is sitting in Graceland dressed in his cricket whites with a can of booze with SuperSport on the telly waiting for the umpire to shout, “play ball”?

I cannot knock the Zimbabwean refugees that will protest at the forthcoming test with England because they really have no other medium to get their message across and to get their show of solidarity home to Zimbabwe. But for all the British MPs and foreign office officials making noise about cricket and cricketers, here is an idea. Why don’t you leave cricketers to play cricket and concentrate on the over 400 British companies currently working in Zimbabwe?
Need a few names: BP, Barclays Bank and British American Tobacco (BAT)Standard Chartered, Rio Tinto Anglo American, Bindura. British Airways blah blah blah.

I mean the official British government agency in charge of promoting business relationships with other countries, Trade Partners UK, describes Zimbabwe as the most sophisticated economy in the region outside South Africa. It says new opportunities have been created by the government’s decision to adopt an increasingly open market policy in a bid to attract new investment.

Now if that is the position of the OFFICIAL trade agency, then why the hell shouldn’t the ECB let in some cricketers?

Don’t even give me that bollox about, “well if the companies move out ordinary Zimbabweans will suffer.” They are suffering now, inflation is bloody 220% for fucks sake and lets not even talk about the 80% unemployment rate. The really reason that the west is not doing anything is not because they do not want to appear colonialist, or because they want akina Mbeki to handle this, it is because British companies are making some serious money there.

It is up to us, AFRICANS, to sort Bob out because no one else is going to do it, meanwhile Zimbabweans are dying daily while they should not. Last year I had an excuse. I was busy trying to get rid of Moi in Kenya. Well that’s all done and dusted now, so am ready now. And oh yeah leave your bloody guns at home because am not talking about armed uprising. We don’t want another flipping Congo here. We just need the Zimbabwian public to exercise their democratic rights. And “president” Obasanjo you stay at home as well sir, we do not want your maneno and endorsements here. You can’t even hold a bloody free election yourself, yet you think you can lecture Mugabe, no wonder the man is laughing.

I mean how fucking long are we going to take this bullshit from our so-called “Big Men”? Big Men? Big fucking men? Big Man why the hell don’t you come here and fuck with me cause am gonna whoop your ass into next week punk. We can’t even sort Congo out instead the French have to rush in and rescue the flipping UN workers. What the fuck. Yes the guns and the money comes from the west via blood diamonds yes yes, but for fucks sake you don’t see Mr de Beers teaching a 14 year old kid how to fucking hack the hands of another 14 year old child. Can we stop fucking looking for stupid excuses and sort this shit out now.

Damn maybe we do need those guns cause there are some so called leaders out there that really need to be pistol whipped into the 21st century.

Yes I have not provide any links or any “evidence” but as I said at the beginning this shit is obvious so go check it up yourself am bila time. And yes am mad, very mad actually.

|  Email This Post | 3 comments Thursday, May 22nd, 2003 at 12:34 AM

monday blues

Things I learnt today in chronological order:

• The sound of water dripping is soothing especially while you are asleep even indoors
• The washing machine upstairs leaks
• The guy who lives above me is called Marco
• The British do not know how to build houses
• You cannot vacuum a wet carpet
• If you try to vacuum a wet carpet the machine will pick up a surprisingly large amount of water that will promptly flood out again as soon you turn the machine off.
• The guy who lives below me is called Justin
• It is impossible to get hold of my landlord on a Monday morning
• I need to move asap
• British carpets dry very quickly
• No believes any excuses for being late for work on Monday

Well am sure if you put your heads together you will figure out what happened

|  Email This Post | 6 comments Monday, May 19th, 2003 at 12:02 PM